Wednesday, September 06, 2006


GOD for 40 Minutes

The Cleveland Indians' Kevin Kouzmanoff was one of many Minor League standouts who got called up to the Major Leagues at the beginning of this month.

Most September call-ups will leave little to no impression with baseball fans, but Kouzmanoff has already proven himself to be an exception to this rule. For Kouzmanoff -- a 25-year-old third baseman -- did something to make an immediate impact.

On September 2, Kouzmanoff made his MLB debut in a game against the Texas Rangers. And, as has been well-documented by now, he hit a grand slam on the first Major League pitch he ever saw. A grand slam! On the first pitch!

With that one swing, which occurred in the first inning of the Indians' eventual 6-5 win, Kouzmanoff achieved the ultimate in baseball perfection. His line became this:

1 game, 1 at-bat, 1 hit, 1 home run, 4 RBIs, 1.000 average, 1.000 on-base percentage, 4.000 slugging percentage.


Why would Kouzmanoff ever appear in the Majors again after achieving such blissful perfection? There appears to be no immediate answer, but he stayed in the game and failed to collect a hit over his next three at-bats. He is now hitting .250 over 12 at-bats with the Tribe.

Who let this happen? Kouzmanoff should have never been allowed to bat again after he connected for his grand slam. He was GOD! And, had he never appeared in a game again, he could have remained GOD -- the baseball player with the most exalted stats of all time, a deity among mortals, the supreme being of our national pastime.

While Kouzmanoff might have initally resented being forced to retire after one at-bat, it would have been for a cause much greater than Himself. It's a tough world out there, and this nation of lost souls needs all the inspiration and guidance it can get. With Kouzmanoff now stripped of his GOD status, who's left to turn to? Who will lead us?

We can only pray that sometime soon, another unwitting rookie will connect for a grand slam on the first pitch he sees. And that individual, whoever he is, should not be allowed to play another moment. When GOD materializes before our disbelieving eyes, we would do well not to let Him slip back into the form of a flawed mortal such as ourselves.

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