High and Inside

This is Dawkins' Town Now

2006-12-07T12:45:00.000-08:00

Mike Lieberthal, a member of the Phillies since 1994 and the team's all-time leader in games caught, signed a one-year deal with the Los Angeles Dodgers yesterday.

While this was not a surprising move (the Phillies had made it clear they had no interest in bring Lieberthal back), it still ranks as a momentous occurence in the Philadelphia sports landscape.

Lieberthal, you see, must now relinquish the coveted title of "Longest Tenured Philadelphia Athlete". The Phillies' lone throwback to the Jim Fregosi era, Lieberthal played 1174 games over 13 seasons, and broke in with a team that included the likes of Randy Ready, Fernando Valenzuela, and Larry Andersen. Congratulations on your Brotherly Love longevity, Mike. But a new sheriff is in town now.

Brian Dawkins.

The esteemed Eagles safety, known throughout the NFL for being fucking terrifying, is currently in his 11th season with the Birds. He barely edges the Sixers' Allen Iverson, who made his professional debut just a few months later.

Congratulations, Dawkins, on your new-found status as Longest Tenured Philadelphia Athlete (or LTPA). But, as Lieberthal could surely tell you, being LTPA is a double-edged sword. While the increased recognition is nice, it also means that you will become the symbolic face of the city's 23-year Championship drought, thereby becoming a convenient receptacle for over 90 seasons worth of sports frustration.

But who I am kidding here? Whereas Lieberthal had to quietly endure the burden of being the symbolic embodiment of Philadelphia sports failure, Dawkins is having none of that. He's Brian Dawkins, and if you disrespect him he will go after you. He will eat you up and shit you out over and over again, until there is no hint that that endlessly recycled pile of shit was ever a living breathing organism.

You don't want that to happen to you, do you? Then respect Brian Dawkins, LTPA.

Oh, Zap! Guess What I Saw!

2006-09-12T07:52:00.000-07:00

For those who have not seen what I believe to be the greatest commercial ever—played during Yankees games between promos for “Kids on Deck” and “The Ultimate Road Trip 2”—here is a quick synopsis:

Edited over scenes of Real Zap Lube Workers In Action, a dark-haired, olive-skinned young woman—somewhere in her low- to mid- 20’s—constantly waves her hands and points in a chopping motion, driving home the Zap Lube mantra of “fast, friendly service.” She is dressed in a tan top, and feverishly opens her hands throughout the advertisement. If you would like to learn the “Girl From the Zap Lube Commercial” motion at home, simply follow these steps:

Lock hands together loosely, with fingers pointing at the opposite walls (as opposed to the ceiling or floor). The fingertips of your left hand should be resting at the knuckles of your right, and vice versa.
Open your hands, pivoting at the wrists.
Say something like, “conveniently located at Tonnelle Avenue in North Bergen”
Repeat four or five times, until the very end, where you karate-chop at the words, “Fast, friendly service.”
Smile somewhat uncomfortably, and freeze.

And this is not an exercise in pointing out bad acting (which I do not think it is), or wondering if the Zap Lube girl is the daughter or niece or girlfriend of anyone associated with Zap Lube. It is more a question of why she hasn’t reached greater prominence. There should be blogs dedicated to her, and poems and Greek tragedies written in her honor. “Ode to the Zap Lube Girl” should be an internet sensation, and a reading of it by Michael Kay should be the most-viewed clip on You Tube. Instead, there is a brief mention of it on a message board that is otherwise—as far as I can tell—dedicated to railing against a popular New Jersey public access psychic who may or may not have stalked a girl with an acne problem, and there is a quick reference to the Zap Lube Girl on a couple myspace profiles.

Not to be outdone, the Mets’ flagship station, SNY, has its own version of the Zap Lube Girl, in the form of the Frank’s Carpet Warehouse Girl. In fact, the two commercials are eerily similar, with a cute, somewhat spunky young woman smiling and talking over moving action shots in the background of the place of business. But the Frank’s Carpet Warehouse Girl just lacks something that the Zap Lube Girl has. It could be the constant gesticulating with the hands, or the honest cadence and exuberance that the Zap Lube Girl offers. It might even be the straight hair. In fact, the argument of Frank’s Carpet Warehouse Girl vs. the Zap Lube Girl may end up representing the microcosm that is the difference between the Mets fan and the Yankees fan. While the Zap Lube girls seems unrehearsed and a touch flighty, she looks like the kind of girl you would like to take out to a nice dinner, and then introduce to your whole family at the wedding of your second cousin, Stephen, exactly four months after your first date. She seems refined, and you constantly want to sleep over at her apartment because her bathroom always smells nice. The Frank’s Carpet Warehouse girl, meanwhile, has a strange dye job, and wavy, somewhat-frizzy hair. You’d meet her at a Mets game, let her drink you under the table at a bar afterwards, and then bring her to your family’s bar-b-q on Long Island the next day, introducing her to everyone as your girlfriend. In either scenario, though, you would probably end up dumping them when you find out they made out with some Wall Street idiot at happy hour the next week.

And let’s be honest… it would be incredibly hard to dump the Zap Lube Girl…or the Frank’s Carpet Warehouse Girl. Not because they are both hot (although they are), but could you imagine watching another Yankees game, and seeing your ex-girlfriend touting the virtues of a place of business that offers both oil changes and a car wash? Or trying to sell you carpet? It would be tough…in fact, it must be tough for their real-life ex-boyfriends to watch a Yankees game, and then have to leave the room every time a Zap Lube commercial comes on, because he cheated on her one night with a pharmaceutical sales rep, never realizing that one day, his shy girlfriend would be wildly waving her arms, urging people to bring their cars to North Bergen.

Whichever way the acting careers of the Zap Lube Girl and the Frank’s Carpet Warehouse girl go, though, there should be a few more posts and websites on the web, concerning their unique place in our society. They are on commercials in between games played in the country’s largest city. You have as much a chance of seeing Chris Woodward or Nick Green in any given broadcast as you would the Zap Lube or the Frank’s Carpet Warehouse Girl. And that, my friends, has to count for something.

Get your Gay on!

2006-09-08T09:56:00.000-07:00

High and Inside are preparing for the upcoming NBA season by doing a little shopping. We know it's still early, but you can never order your Pavel Podkolzen jersey too soon.

This year we decided to make a list of must have jerseys. You know; Ime Udoka (Knicks), You, ME, and Ronald Dupree (Pistons), Maceo Baston (Pacers; for Paul Shirley. He's better than you!), Chris Quinn (Miami; no matter how hard we try, we still can't believe he's better than us), Pops Mensah-Bonsu and Didier Ilunga-Mbenga (Dallas; hyphen-homies) and the new guys: J.J. Redick, Sheldan Williams, Bargnani, etc.

One jersey we certainly can't wait to own is not available on NBA.com. And why? OH, we're not sure. Possibly because he's GAY?

Yes, it's early, but no Rudy Gay jersey is available through the NBA.com store. We found Redick, Sheldan, and Bargnani. We even found Patrick O'Bryant and Leon Powe. Sure, there is no Tyrus Thomas or LaMarcus Aldridge, but eventually there will be. AND eventually there will have to be a Rudy Gay jersey.

Sure it seems a little silly that we are making a big deal and getting excited about seeing the swarm of young men walking around Chelsea with their Memphis jersey on, but it may be the first time since World B. Free where young men can express their feelings on an NBA jersey. Besides, you aren't even allowed to personalize an NBA jersey with the name "GAY" on the back. What ever will the NBA do when they are getting orders of GAY jerseys up the, well, you know....

And what will happen if Rudy Gay does become a superstar in this league? How long before the GAY jersey is embraced by the "streets?" Not long at all. In my opinion, the Association and Rudy will be the ones who will step up and put the "GAY" community on their backs.... Literally!

GOD for 40 Minutes

2006-09-06T12:19:00.000-07:00

The Cleveland Indians' Kevin Kouzmanoff was one of many Minor League standouts who got called up to the Major Leagues at the beginning of this month.

Most September call-ups will leave little to no impression with baseball fans, but Kouzmanoff has already proven himself to be an exception to this rule. For Kouzmanoff -- a 25-year-old third baseman -- did something to make an immediate impact.

On September 2, Kouzmanoff made his MLB debut in a game against the Texas Rangers. And, as has been well-documented by now, he hit a grand slam on the first Major League pitch he ever saw. A grand slam! On the first pitch!

With that one swing, which occurred in the first inning of the Indians' eventual 6-5 win, Kouzmanoff achieved the ultimate in baseball perfection. His line became this:

1 game, 1 at-bat, 1 hit, 1 home run, 4 RBIs, 1.000 average, 1.000 on-base percentage, 4.000 slugging percentage.

And let's not forget -- HE DID THIS ON THE FIRST MAJOR LEAGUE PITCH HE EVER SAW!

Why would Kouzmanoff ever appear in the Majors again after achieving such blissful perfection? There appears to be no immediate answer, but he stayed in the game and failed to collect a hit over his next three at-bats. He is now hitting .250 over 12 at-bats with the Tribe.

Who let this happen? Kouzmanoff should have never been allowed to bat again after he connected for his grand slam. He was GOD! And, had he never appeared in a game again, he could have remained GOD -- the baseball player with the most exalted stats of all time, a deity among mortals, the supreme being of our national pastime.

While Kouzmanoff might have initally resented being forced to retire after one at-bat, it would have been for a cause much greater than Himself. It's a tough world out there, and this nation of lost souls needs all the inspiration and guidance it can get. With Kouzmanoff now stripped of his GOD status, who's left to turn to? Who will lead us?

We can only pray that sometime soon, another unwitting rookie will connect for a grand slam on the first pitch he sees. And that individual, whoever he is, should not be allowed to play another moment. When GOD materializes before our disbelieving eyes, we would do well not to let Him slip back into the form of a flawed mortal such as ourselves.

You know what's cool about us?

2006-08-31T10:57:00.000-07:00

So, we know nothing about the WNBA or the Finals that are apparently taking place at The Palace of Auburn Hills. Here is what we do know: There are TEN "Cool Things" about the WNBA Finals. That's right! Thanks to the people at WNBA.com, we are actin' like we know.

Here are a few of the "cool" things we are now aware of:

1) WNBA fans are funny as all H-E-double Kara Wolters shoe size!

Now, we have no idea who this Katie girl is and whether or not her "Boo" gets her that ring, but that spaceship with the basketball on the grill is pretty funny. WNBA.com insists that this is the "most clever" sign in the building. From our sources there was a sign that read "Take me Drunk, I'm at the WNBA Finals!" Go figure...

2) "I'll fight a bitch for this thing!"
It seems to us that there are more important things worth fighting for, ladies. The WNBA insists on referring to the trophy as "bling." Really. Read the article (or take our word for it) and you will notice that the key to every "tatted" gals heart is bling. They are also trying to push "pimp juice," the slam "crunk" contest, and "Juwanna man? You go someplace else!"

3) They actually think this guy is what is cool about the WNBA.

So this guy, Frisco Del Rosario (photo not doctored in no way shape or form. Seriously...), was one of two people to attend both the WNBA Finals and the NWBL Finals. Yes, he is a fan of multiple women's basketball leagues.

Now, apparently he paints his face purple in support of the Sacramento Monarchs and actually offers up a game plan for the Monarchs. The game plan sounds really bizarre coming from a man with a purple face: "They have three or four bodies to throw at Ford..." And he has three more in his basement if needed. So, he's dedicated!

His favorite player is Ticha Penichiero because she is simply "delicious."

4) White people with devil eyes!

Ol' blue eyes ain't got nothing on the Sinclair family who are Pistons and Shock fans. One great perk about the game, as noted, is that "Rick Mahorn will come over and tease the kids." What I wouldn't give to be there and hear what Rick Mahorn has to say to these kids. "Hey kids, how many of your heads do you think I can fit in my ass?" Answer: the entire Sinclair family!

5) If you aren't entertained, you can Bang your favorite player!

Enjoy the leather sofas, but wear a rubber, dudes!

So, if you aren't convinced that the WNBA is "cool," then you're obviously not paying attention.

Julio On His Birthday

2006-08-24T08:05:00.000-07:00

Julio Franco -- the greatest role model in all of sports -- turned 48 last night.

48!

To hear Julio tell it, his birthday is just another day. As a denizen of the eternal present, Julio has no use for arbitrary markings of the passage of time.

Nonetheless, as a tribute to this enduring legend, we here at High and Inside have compiled Julio's birthday stats. Here is how he has fared on August 23 throughout his career:

August 23, 1983 (Cleveland Indians): 1-for-4 with an RBI as Indians lose to Angels, 5-2, in front of 7,001 fans at Cleveland’s Municipal Stadium.

August 23, 1984 (Cleveland Indians): 2-for-4 with an RBI as the Indians fall to Blue Jays, 6-1. Doyle Alexander pitches a complete game for the Jays.

August 23, 1985 (Cleveland Indians): 2-for-5 with a double and two runs scored as Indians coast to a 10-5 win over Milwaukee. 6,292 fans show up at intimate Municipal Stadium.

August 23, 1986 (Cleveland Indians): 1-for-5 with RBI as Indians edge Red Sox, 5-4. Tom Seaver pitches for the Sox and does not factor into the decision, allowing four runs on nine hits over 5 1/3 innings.

August 23, 1987 (Cleveland Indians): 1-for-4 with a run scored as Indians fall to Tigers, 4-3. Jack Morris picks up a complete-game victory for Detroit.

August 23, 1988 (Cleveland Indians): 1-for-3 with a double, sacrifice fly and a run scored as the Indians defeat the Brewers, 6-2. Replaced at second base late in the game by the immortal Houston Jimenez.

August 23, 1989 (Texas Rangers): 1-for-4 as Julio’s Rangers fall to the Oakland A’s, 5-4. Dave Stewart earns the win, Kevin Brown takes the loss. Dennis Eckersley picks up his 27th save.

August 23, 1990 (Texas Rangers): The 64-60 Texas Rangers enjoy an off-day.

August 23, 1991 (Texas Rangers): 1-for-3 with a run scored as the Rangers roll to a 6-1 victory over the Royals. Brian Bohanon tosses a complete game and picks up the win.

August 23, 1992 (Texas Rangers): The Rangers crush the Indians, 14-4, but Julio was on the disabled list at the time (he was limited to just 35 games this season). A pre-boating accident Steve Olin takes the loss.

August 23, 1993 (Texas Rangers): Julio (now a designated hitter after his injury plagued 1992) has his best birthday yet. The 35-year-old goes 2-for-3 with a double, walk, two runs scored and two RBIs as the Rangers roll to a 13-6 victory over Baltimore. Fernando Valenzuela takes the loss for the Orioles. Fernando Valenzuela!

August 23, 1994 (Chicago White Sox): The season ended earlier in the month due to the player’s strike. 36-year-old Julio sits at home and contemplates moving to Japan.

August 23, 1995 (Chiba Lotte Marines): Julio turns 37 in Japan, with Bobby V’s Marines. Unfortunately, day-by-day stats for the 1995 Japanese Baseball season are hard to come by. If anyone has any leads, please leave a comment.

August 23, 1996 (Cleveland Indians): Julio’s back with the Indians, but does not play in the Tribe’s 6-5, 11-inning loss to Milwaukee. He may have been on the disabled list at this time. The details, they are scarce!

August 23, 1997 (Milwaukee Brewers): 2-for-4 with a run scored as the Brewers defeat the Tigers, 5-2. This may have been Julio’s best game ever in his underwhelming Milwaukee career.

August 23, 1998 (Chiba Lotte Marines): Julio turns 40 in the land of the rising sun.

August 23, 1999 (Mexican League): Julio hit a stunning .423 in 93 Mexican League games. He appeared in one game for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, and struck out (his only major league at-bat in the years between 1997 and 2001). What he was doing on his 41st birthday remains unclear.

August 23, 2000 (Samsung Lions): Back in Asia, but this time in South Korea. Birthdays are illegal there, so it is best not to ask what Julio did to celebrate number 42.

August 23, 2001 (Angelopolis Tigers): Back again in Mexico – but not for long. In September 2001, the Atlanta Braves ended Julio’s stint in baseball purgatory. He has been back in the Major Leagues ever since.

August 23, 2002 (Atlanta Braves): In his first Major League birthday appearance since 1997, Julio goes 1-for-4 with an RBI in the Braves’ 4-3 loss to the Dodgers. The 44-year-old makes an error at first base (his sixth miscue of the season).

August 23, 2003 (Atlanta Braves): Does not play, as the Braves beat the Rockies, 5-4.

August 23, 2004 (Atlanta Braves): The 70-53 Braves enjoy an off-day as Julio turns 46.

August 23, 2005 (Atlanta Braves): Pinch-hits in the ninth inning of the Braves’ eventual 10-1 loss to the Cubs. Strikes out – this is the first time Julio played on his birthday and did not collect a hit.

August 23, 2006 (New York Mets): Does not play in the Mets’ 10-8 win over the Cardinals, although he does make an appearance in the on-deck circle.

Julio on his birthday: 13-for-40 (.325)

The record of Julio’s teams when he is on the active roster on his birthday: 7-6

How Much Did I Just Give?

2006-08-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

NBA's favorite big man with seven names, Dikembe Mutombo (Mpolondo Mukamba Jean Jacque Wamutombo), announced that he would donate $15 million dollars to build a 300-bed hospital in his home country of Congo.

Now, this is a generous act. No question about it. But, then comes the news today that the NBA's version of Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez (he says he's 38, but Jeff Van Gundy seems to think that he's "probably 48 and might be 58) wants to play at least two more seasons. This could turn out to be a great story if he can come back and play significant minutes in the Association. However, it got us to thinking....

Why?

Is it possible that Dikembe, who's earned over $110 million in his career, might be having some "buyer's remorse?" I highly doubt it. He doesn't seem to be the kind of guy who spends his "bank" on extravagant things. Maybe some extra tall slacks here and there and a Premium Cable package. I don't think he's dipping into his Disney Vacation coin jar.

Is it really that hard to realize when your time to hang up the old size twenty-two's has come? We've seen in before in sports when guys just don't know when to quit. Is it time for Dikembe to stay at home and write the crime novel he's had floating around? Maybe.

Personally, I think that he could be a serviceable big man in the NBA. It's possible. There are always jobs available for 7'2" centers in the NBA. But, does he want to be the 7'2" version of Mateen Cleaves, waiving a towel at the end of the bench?

Another question we have to ask is whether or not the NBA has a need for a lumbering 7'2", 38(ish) year old, center anymore? A guy like this would not even see any playing time against such teams as the Suns or the Nuggets (who look fast this year) or anyone else with a young athletic big man. The NBA just doesn't seem to suit him and his style of play. We talk about the style of play in America being "quick" and dominated by "slashers." Well, we saw that with Dwyane Wade putting a tired Shaq on his shoulders and winning a championship. Shaq, one of the most dominant 'bigs' in NBA history, wasn't even really a factor. Is the bump and grind style of play that Shaq and Deke are used to becoming extinct? Look at it this way: do you think Dwight Howard and Chris Bosh with their quick footwork would have a field day down low against Mutombo? I certainly do.

So, Dikembe, we love you and all, but I think you may be better off recording a record with Bono. You and your seven names, and Bono and his one. Interesting...

Lest We Forget...

2006-08-23T14:43:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 48TH BIRTHDAY JULIO FRANCO!!!

The All-Danny Heep Team

2006-08-22T10:50:00.000-07:00

We've already gone over the Mets' 1986 Reunion Night in meticulous detail. During the ceremony, however, MC Howie Rose made a remark that is crying out for further analysis.

In his introduction of Danny Heep, Rose remarked that in 1986 Heep became the first designated hitter in Mets history. This, said Rose, was a role that Heep was remarkably suited to. Because, after all, "his initials were DH".

Wow. So that's what it takes to be successful in baseball -- simply having the same initials as your position. This insight could revolutionize the game. Instead of players gravitating towards a position based on their physical attributes, they can simply take the field at the position that most resembles their initials.

In this regard, Designated Hitter Danny Heep was a trailblazer. Let's take a peek into the annals of baseball history and see what other players achieved success as a result of harmony between their initials and the positions they played.

Starting Pitcher (SP): Satchel Paige -- Legendary Hall of Famer with a pitching career that spanned three decades.

Relief Pitcher (RP): Ron Perranoski -- Made 736 relief appearances over a 13-year Major League career. Went 16-3 with 21 saves for the 1963 Dodgers.

Catcher (C): Carumbino -- independent league legend who allegedly invented the crouch. Fathered 26 children. Angel Berroa is a direct descendent.

First Base (FB): Frank Bowerman -- okay, he played catcher for the majority of his 15-year career (1895-1909). But he made appearances at first base as a member of the New York Giants. This was because his manager, Hall of Famer John McGraw, was an early proponent of what was then called "the moniker theory".

Second Base (SB): Steve Balboni -- well, sometimes his mustache would detach itself and play a few innings at second.

Third Base (TB): Tom Brookens -- Long-time Detroit Tiger who was a member of the 1984 World Champion team. Went on to manage the New York-Penn League Oneonta Tigers.

Shortstop (SS): Sergio Sanchez -- 23-year-old shortstop currently with the Triple-A Syracuse Chiefs. Only batting .212, but the sky is the limit for this alliterative wonder.

Center Field (CF): Curt Flood -- Played 1683 games as a centerfielder, the third-most in baseball history. Won seven gold glove awards. Refused to accept a trade to the Phillies in 1969, which went down in history as the most sensible action ever taken by a ballplayer.

Right Field (RF): Rikkert Faneyte -- Sure, he played just parts of four seasons in the big leagues (1993-96). But as one of two Dutch players to ever appear in the Major Leagues, Faneyte gets special consideration. He was known for telling jokes to his Giants teammates, most of which did not translate well from Dutch to English. His favorite one had something to do with bidets actually being "tampon puller-outers".

Left Field (LF): Lew Ford -- reserve outfielder with the Twins. You're still reading this?

This list represents just the tip of the iceberg of the "Position=Initials" team. Please help us compile a complete list by adding additions to the team in the comments section.

1986 All Over Again

2006-08-21T08:24:00.000-07:00

On a rainy Saturday night at Shea Stadium, the New York Mets saluted the ever-popular 1986 World Champs with a ceremony for the.... well, for the ages?

The Mets began the 30-minute ceremony in the rain, with WFAN's Howie Rose standing front and center on a slick tarp donning the 20th anniversary logo. Behind him were 1986 podiums where players would stand after coming out of the crowd WWE style. Many of them stopped to kiss GM Frank Cashen, who looked like he was stopping by on his way to his own funeral (but we all still love him!).

Present among the 1986 contingent were the aforementioned Cashen, Bud Harrelson (who, by the way, got one of the biggest ovations of all), Gary "The Kid" Carter, Ron Darling, and Keith Hernandez (would you be surprised if he wasn't anywhere the Mets are nowadays? Oh, and Howie Rose is still making the old "he dated Elaine Bennis" joke).

Also representing were Lenny "Nails" Dykstra, Mookie Wilson, HoJo, Kevin Mitchell (still as scary as he's ever been), Kevin Elster, "El" Sid Fernandez, and the highlight of the night, Darryl Strawberry.

Howie would say a few words about each player, and then they were given a fancy little umbrella to cover their 1986 throwback heads. It was a nice ceremony that was capped off with some guy parachuting into the stadium, leaving some to question whether or not it was Ray Knight. Speaking of Mrs. Nancy Lopez, he was one of a few '86 Mets not present whom you would have liked to see. Others included Doc Gooden, Davey Johnson, and nine at-bat wonder Barry Lyons.

All-in-all it was nice to see those guys still alive (due to their extracurricular activities).

Other highlights of the night included:

-A group of middle aged men trying to figure out why John Franco didn't show up. Well, maybe the 1986 Reds were celebrating Bo Diaz day and since John Franco was on THAT team, he was probably there.

-Said group of men explaining the rules of baseball to a guy who had never seen a baseball game before. Is there nothing more exciting than listening to a group of men who have seen two baseball games in their lifetime explain the rules to another who had seen none? Especially the MLB-instituted rule that you either throw a visiting team's home run ball back, or sell it on eBay (make sure you decide and tell your section before they stone you, pal).

-And the highlight of the evening (and maybe even the year): In the 6th inning the Mets made an announcement thanking "All those who helped in the production of '86 Night." The names of those who involved scrolled along the big screen while "That's What Friends Are For" played over the loudspeakers. In a "I can't believe this is happening" moment, the entire crowd turned silent. Soon, everyone in the upper deck began to sing the chorus in complete harmony: "keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on me... for sure, that's what friends are for!" .

It was an instant smile moment, and things only got better from there. With the song over and the inning about to begin, the crowd continued to sing together (with a bit of an "arms around the dude next to you sway").

"In good times, and bad times, I'll be on your side forever mooooooore! That's what friends are for!"

And then, like that, it stopped. No one seemed to question the fact that we all just sang along to "That's What Friends Are For". The game continued on, as if we all just weren't a part of the strangest moments in baseball sing-along history. Maybe we are just making a bigger issue out of this than what needs to be made. But our ears didn't deceive us -- we heard Mets fans and Rockies fans singing along in harmony. Yeah, we did. I guess bygones have officially become bygones.

Blind and Loving It

2006-08-17T07:23:00.000-07:00

This year, one of the most prominent sponsors of the New York Mets has been an entity mysteriously known as "Azek Trimboards". On radio broadcasts, it seems that Howie Rose and Tom McCarthy are contracturally obligated to mention the company's name on an inning-by-inning basis. At Shea Stadium, the logo is all over the place, inviting game attendees to endlessly contemplate -- "Just what is a trimboard? And who's Azek?".

Making matters more mystifying is the slogan of Azek Trimboards: "Once You Look, It's All You See." Uh, that's some pretty heavy shit, guys. All season long, I've been afraid to do the "looking" that would result in my constant "seeing" of Azek Trimboards. What if it's something I don't want to see, or something I'm not ready to see?

The novelist Arundhati Roy has famously said of injustice: "The trouble is that once you've seen it, you can't unsee it. And once you've seen it, keeping quiet, saying nothing, becomes as political as act as speaking out. There is no innocence. Either way, you're accountable".

This quote advances a theory that I've developed: Azek Trimboards is a revolutionary organization designed to destroy American complacency. They are infiltrating our nation's ballparks -- bastions of idyllic child-like innocence -- and attempting to destroy our collective myopia regarding national and world affairs.

Nice try, guys. But I'm on to you. And I'm happy with things as they are. I'll have a hot dog and another beer, sure. But as for your "trimboards" -- well, I refuse to look.

Just in case we don't win.....

2006-08-16T13:35:00.000-07:00

Team USA finished the exhibition schedule going 5-0. A close game against Brazil, but nonetheless, a strong showing. So, does this mean Team 'Melo' will cruise through the World Championships? Well, just in case they don't, the coaching staff for Team USA has a back up plan...

"You can't see this! WHAT!!!" or "You can't beat what you can't see.... right?"

Lonny's Coming Back!

2006-08-16T07:41:00.000-07:00

Lonny Baxter, fomerly of Charlotte Bobcat fame and 2002 NCCA champion Maryland Terrapins, was arrested after shots were fired from (what is presumed to be) his vehicle. Here's the fun part... It was just two blocks from the White House!

Here is Lonny (right) eyeing the President in 2002. Maybe he wants his jersey back...

"Bitch, I'm comin' back for that jersey!"

Al Harrington?

2006-08-15T13:19:00.000-07:00

Al Harrington is not in the news today and Atlanta is ecstatic....

Oh Yeah.. the Whalers

2006-08-10T12:23:00.000-07:00

Now, I realize that I am generally behind on many thinks. Let's just get that out of the way. But, apparently the hockey season is well over with and the Stanley Cup concluded with the Carolina Hurricanes winning it all. That means just one thing to the folks from Connecticut: The Hartford Whalers won the cup!!!!!!!

That's right! The Hartford Whalers, once known for aquring hockey great Bobby Hull from Winnipeg for future considerations (note: the considerations are not connected to witholding information on the whereabouts of great composer Jack Say), were moved to Carolina where they became the winners of the 2006 Stanley Cup.

While the Whalers never won a Stanly Cup for the city, Hartford certainly seemed to embrace the team... one year too late. Not a single resident of the great state of Connecticut seems to have anything but fond memories of the time they "thought" about going to a Whalers game. Especially now that they're gone. To understand the state of Whaler "fans," just think about that girl in junior high school, or high school (for those of you who went), who you made fun of relentlesly. Then, you find out at your class reunion that she is that Natalie Portman from junior high. Yeah, and you're "that?" John Smith from junior high school. This is what it's like in Hartford. You "totally could have banged her," right? Well, we totally could have hoisted the Cup.

Well, High and Inside decided to talk to a few local New Englanders to see if we can prove our point. Here are a few of the responses we got:

Chris Gorchan (Westfield, CT): "The funny thing about the Whalers was that everyone had a, 'Dude, I saw Shanny (Whaler captain Brendan Shanahan) at the...' story. No matter where you went!" (Most of the answers we got started with, "A funny thing about the Whalers...")

Stephanie Maxfield (Durham, CT): "Yeah, I remember them. My dad had one of their shirts. He used to wear it when he changed the oil in his car. So, when I think of the Whalers, I think of oil. But, not lube."

Mike Lopez (Hartford, CT): "Ron Francis, Pat Verbeek, Gordie Howe, Rick Ley... Um, that's all I can think of at the moment. And that's because I'm reading it off of that paper in your hand."

Steve Markman (Wallingford, CT): "My favorite movie was Jaws 2. There's no movie called 'Whalers 2.' Is there?"

Tyler Johnson (Hartford, CT): "My Uncle was a season ticket holder to all the events at the Hartford Civic Center. His top three included: Papermania, Wrestlemania, and the Jingle Jam (featuring Another Bad Creation). Notice I didn't mention the Whalers. Though, they do make for a cool vintage t-shirt!"

Chris Mooshan (Bristol, CT): "Attica! Attica!"

So, there you have it. A small sample size of New Englanders who miss the Whalers dearly. Maybe one day Connecticut can get a piece of that NHL pie again. But, until then, whatever happened to the New Haven Nighthawks?

Where Have I Seen This Before??

2006-08-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

It's funny when you think about how the 2006 Baseball season has played out (and is continuing to play out). Following the season closely and looking at the AL and NL standings, one thing came to mind: I've seen this before, right?

And I have. In fact, we all have. The 2006 MLB season is playing out exactly like the 2001-2002 NBA season. You remember that year: the Lakers won their 3rd title in a row, Tim Duncan was the MVP, NBA greats Felton Spencer AND Michael Jordan were still in the league, the Golden State Warriors drafted Jason Richardson, Troy Murphy and Gilbert Arenas, and Isiah Thomas coached Bruno Sundov and the Pacers to a 42-40 record. Yeah, that was the year.

But how does that equate to the 2006 MLB season? I tell you how: Western Conference dominance! That's right, much like the American League this year, in 2006 the Western Conference had argueably the top 6 teams in the NBA. You can bet that the Lakers, Kings, Spurs, Mavs, Timberwolves were all better than anything the Eastern Conference had to offer (namely the NJ Nets). Then I could even argue with you that the Portland Trailblazers were probably on the same level, if not better, than the Nets (but that's a whole other debate).

The 01-02 NBA Finals turned out to be a joke when the Lakers swept the Nets in four games. That year the "true" NBA Finals turned out to be the Western Conference Finals where the Lakers and Kings went to OT in Game 7 to decide who would get the chance to walk all over the Nets. Can we see this heppening this year in baseball?

In the 2006 MLB season, one can argue that the top 5 teams in baseball all come from the American League. The Yankees, Red Sox, Tigers, White Sox, and Twins are all top contenders to win the World Series. On the National League side of things, the Mets are clearly the top team in the league, with the Cardinals to follow, and then the "rest" of the NL will fall where they may. One can also argue that a healthy Oakland team with a full season of Milty Bradley and Rich Harden, and the "Real" Bobby Crosby, would put them right on the same level as the NY Mets. The Mets, much like the Nets, have become the "fun team to watch," and the "brightside" of National League baseball. In Wright and Reyes, they have a talented core and a foundation to build on. The Nets had the "big three" in Kidd, RJ, and K-Mart to build around. But, is it, or was it, enough to compete with the "big dogs" of the Western Conference and the American League?

The Mets, much like the Nets did in the Eastern Conference, will most likely cruise into the NLCS and possibly the World Series. But, when they hit that brick wall of an American League, will they have enough to contend? Will we look back on the 2006 MLB season, much like we did with the 2001-2002 NBA season, and call the ALCS the "real" World Series? Let's hope not.... for Bud's sake!

This Is Not For You

2006-08-01T06:42:00.000-07:00

As everyone knows by now, Bobby Abreu is no longer a Phillie. On Sunday, the perpetually smiling Venezuelan was shipped to the Yankees along with middling starter Cory Lidle in exchange for a quartet of prospects.

Now, far be it for us here at High and Inside to analyze this deal. That's been done to death. But, one of us (Ben) was in Philly on Sunday for the afternoon contest between the Phils and the Marlins. Bobby Abreu was taken out of the line-up about 10 minutes before game-time, so obviously something was going on. We (the fans) just didn't know exactly what.

Around the fourth inning, the news started spreading around the stands -- that the deal was done, and Abreu and Lidle were headed to the Yankees. I assumed that the two of them were packing their bags, and maybe gone from the stadium already. But in the eighth inning, the Phillies made an official announcement about the deal over the PA. One of the videoboards posted Abreu's lifetime stats, with an emphasis on where he ranked in Phillies history. The other videoboard cut to a shot of the Phillies dugout, where Abreu was still sitting.

Upon seeing that Bobby was still at the ballpark, the fans rose to their feet and gave him a prolonged ovation. It was a great moment, and truly heartfelt. Philly fans were always a little ambivalent about the guy -- he doesn't run into walls! -- but his numbers are indisputable, and he really meant a lot to the team over the years. Bobby came out of the dugout and waved to the crowd, and the fan noise picked up in intensity.

Then something ridiculous occurred.

Corey Lidle, apparently of the belief that he had also meant something to Phillies fans, comes out of the dugout and starts waving to the crowd, right alongside Abreu. Corey Lidle! I guess the guy thought that the fans were saying goodbye to him as well. No offense Lidle, but that was all for Abreu. You should have stayed in the dugout. I mean, I have nothing against Lidle. He's the very definition of a number four starter. Over 1 1/2 seasons in Philly, the guy went 21-18 with a 4.62 ERA. But Phillies fans will not remember him with any particular fondness. He wasn't around long enough, and he did nothing to distinguish himself. If you were a fan of allowing four runs on seven hits over 6 2/3 innings, then Lidle was your man.

Yet out he came from the dugout, more than willing to usurp Abreu's final moment as a Phillie.

It was pretty funny, really. And, come to think of it, I will always remember that he did that.

You've won this round, Lidle. You really are one sneaky son of a bitch.

Dave Kingman Will Soon Lose His Footnote Status

2006-07-27T10:40:00.000-07:00

Over 16 Major League seasons spent with seven teams, Dave Kingman slugged 442 home runs. He retired in 1986, a year in which he hit 35 homers and drove in 94 runs for the Oakland A's.

Mark McGwire, meanwhile, made his Major League debut with the very same 1986 Oakland A's. The future Congressional Stonewaller bashed three home runs over 53 September at-bats that season.

The brief overlap of the careers of Kingman and McGwire could be viewed as a passing of the torch, as the one-dimensional Kingman gave way to the equally one-dimensional McGwire. Both men could hit awe-inspiring home runs, but that's about it.

20 years later, Kingman has another torch to pass to McGwire --as an honor that has belonged to Kingman since 1992 will soon be Big Mac's.

That honor? Most career home runs by a Hall of Fame eligible player who has failed to make it to the Hall.

Kingman first appeared on the Hall of Fame ballot in 1992, and the results weren't pretty. He recieved 3 out of a possible 430 votes, and was promptly removed from future ballots. Kingman's inability to make it to the Hall set a new standard -- never before had someone with so many dingers failed to be enshrined in Cooperstown.

In 2007, that will change. McGwire, who hit 583 homers in his steroid-enhanced career, will be on the ballot for the first time. Upon retiring in 2001, he was considered a lock to make it. But the resulting steroid scandal has severely tarnished his reputation. Big Red will be Big Dead to the Hall's voters*.

When this happens, Kingman will no longer hold the distinction of "guy with most homers not in the Hall of Fame". It will be his 1986 teammate, Mark McGwire.

Appropriately, McGwire will be rejected right along with his former "Bash Brother", Jose Canseco. Mr. Juiced also retired with more homers than Kingman (462) and has zero chance of election. In 2010, Fred McGriff and his 493 homers will be rejected, and in 2010 steroid kings Sammy Sosa (588) and Rafael Palmeiro (569) will certainly be excluded from the Hall. Dave Kingman, meanwhile, will just keep falling farther and farther into baseball obscurity.

When the 2007 Hall of Fame votes are tallied, it will be like 1986 all over again. Dave "Kong" Kingman will silently be ceding his throne to Mark McGwire.

Poetic, isn't it? I'm crying as I write this.

*Sorry

NEXT!

2006-07-27T06:47:00.001-07:00

It's time, again, for the High and Inside boys to go on a famous TV dating show. We've been selected to be contestants on MTV's: NEXT! Lucky us. For those of you who are not familiar with the show, we go on one date with a girl while a bus full of 4 other girls follows us around (Dating on a bus was made popular by the Bang Bus. This is not quite the Bang Bus). If we get bored with the date we're on, we yell out "NEXT!" and a new girl comes off the bus. What a concept! Oh, and the girl who you "NEXT" gets one dollar for every minute she's lasted (May her fortunes be plenty!). At the end of the show, you ask one of the girls out for a second date, she either takes the money or goes on a second date with us. Well... you know the deal.

So, here now is how our "date(s)" went:

The show starts and we intorduce ourselves with a few "extreme" camera shots from several angles. This is what we say: "Hey what's up MTV! We're High and Inside and we're looking for a girl who can get us HIGH... and let us get INSIDE... her heart (wink*)."

Then we stand outside the bus and wait for our first 'victim' to step off the bus. Suddenly, the doors open and a tall chocolate beauty steps off the bus. She stops, poses, and interesting facts appear:

Name: Deanna Nolan
Age: 26
Occupation: WNBA player
- Nickname is "Tweety."
- She has 16 tattoos and her favorite is the butterfly on her back (seriously?).
- Once ate only garnish for a week to lose weight.

So, Deanna steps off the bus and makes this little snap sound with her mouth. It was a flattering. She's actually wearing her Detroit Shock uniform because the drycleaners lost all her Hard Rock Cafe T's that she's amassed while visiting all the boom towns the WNBA calls home. Then Deanna introduces herself to us with a sexy little handshake. It all goes a little something like this:

Deanna: how you doing, sexies?
H and I: we're good.
Deanna: so, what are we doing today?
(Now, what struck us when she first got off the bus was the "armband" tattoo she has. Not really what we're looking for in a girl. So, we decided to cut our losses and go our seperate ways. But, in NEXT! fashion!)
H and I: Nothing... with you! NEXT!

Deanna is stunned. She gives us the old "one over" and says, "Well you guys are ugly anyways, with your tiny [bleep] and all." Real classy. Glad that one is over, onto the next girl.

The next girl steps off the bus wearing a little gymnast get-up. She stops and poses and we learn:

Name: Svetlana Khorkina
Age: 26
Occupation: Olympic Gymnast
- Has won 7 Olympic medals
- Has appeared on the Rosie O'Donnell Show
- Followed Phil Collins on tour for 8 months thinking that she was following Phil Lesh and Friends.

When Svetlana steps off the the bus we get a little excited because High has certainly seen her before and knows exactly what she is capable of (see: right). She kind of caught us off guard, because when she got off the bus she handed us a few gifts. One being a signed copy of the Russian Playboy that she posed in and the other being a giant calander with pictures of her frolicing on the gym mat. Don't get us wrong, we love the gifts, but we have nothing to give her in return and now we feel like dicks. But, High is convinced we should look past it and continue on with the date. Afterall, he reminds me that she's a gymnast and shows me the photo to the right that he carries around in his pocket.

The conversation with Svetlana turns out to be a little dry because she learned how to speak English at a Russian day school and we learned our English from Stephen A. Smith and reading Scoop Jackson articles.

Svetlana: Hello!
H and I: How you doin' Tuhday? I mean seriously, people? Can ya TELL me how you're doin'!? Svetlana: Good. Thank You.
H and I: To quote Big Daddy Kane, "I'm so goddamn dope I sell rhymes in a twenty sack." So, wussup?
Svetlana: What?
H and I: Huh?
(And then, NEXT history...)
Svetlana: I NEXT myself! goodbye.
(So, we had to save face...)
H and I: You were fat anyways! Did you knoooow you were fat? Can ya TELL me how you got so fat?!

Date two, not so good. Let's hope this third girl is someone we can date:

Name: Penny Banner
Age: 72
Occupation: Retired Female Wrestler
- Was the 1st A.W.A. Women's World Champion
-Once dated Elvis Presley (really!)
-Her head shrinks a quarter inch every leap year

So, Penny gets off the bus and, well, she wasn't the same Penny Banner that dated Elvis Presley. She was 72 year old Penny Banner who dates the toilet everytime she eats roast beef. And that whole head shrinking thing looks awfully strange.

NEXT! (Realizing that she could still kick both of our asses we made sure to yell NEXT from the top of a tree. Old women can't climb trees. That's a little something you learn while spending the day at an elderly people's retreat. More on that in a future article.)

0 for 3! This isn't turning out to be the dating show experience we had hoped for. Until....

Name: Cat Osterman
Age: 23
Occupation: Softball Pitcher
- Is considered the 'Nolan Ryan' of women's softball
- Awards? Yeah, she got 'em!
-Once considered naming her underhand circle-change "Sillius Soddus"

Nice! A tall drink of water who is a proven winner on the softball field. Does it get any better?
So, we introduce ourselves and the conversation is flowing, my friends.

Cat: So, how have the other dates gone?
H and I: Well, they were pretty much all strike outs! Get it? Cause you pitch!
Cat: (laugh-crying) You guys are really funny. I like that in a duo. The other girls on the bus were saying that you are a couple of shallow guys who think that their #2's don't stink.
H and I: (High, in a British accent... for no particular reason) And is that a problem?
Cat: No, I think it's appealing. When I struck out 33 batters in a 14 inning game, I did it all with an air of confidence. I like that in a duo.
H and I: Cool. Well, we have something set up over here for you. Have you ever made pottery?
Cat: No, but I always wanted to!
H and I: Well, we're going to make pottery today.

See how smooth that went? Man, we're good! So, we begin to make some pottery and continue down the relationship road. Things are looking good. Until...

High decides to make an ashtray. An Ashtray! She's an athlete, High! Female athletes don't want guys who smoke. Luckily, we divert her attention by releasing a rodeo clown. Have you ever seen these guys work? It was perfect! Cat was so thrown off by the rodeo clown that she forgets exactly what is wrong with us. Thank you rodeo clown!

So, after 37 minutes of being on a date we decide to offer Cat a chance to go on a second date with us or take $37. She took the money...

Her reasoning: "Listen, you gusy are cool and all.... And I really had a good time making potery, but this guy's been High the whole time, and that guy's been trying to get Inside me since I got out here. So, I'll take the money."

Damn! We were doing so well. Oh, at least it could have been worse. Later we found out that the next person to come off the bus would have been Spike Lee. Close call!

21st Century Rob Deer

2006-07-25T10:53:00.000-07:00

For baseball fans of a certain age, the name Rob Deer evokes fond memories.

A one-dimensional slugger in the mold of Gorman Thomas or Dave Kingman, Deer was the epitome of the term "all or nothing". The burly Californian hit 230 homers in his Major League career, but also struck out 1409 times over 3881 at-bats (that's one strikeout for every 2.75 at-bats!).

1991 featured Deer in all his glory. As a member of the Detroit Tigers, he hit .179 on the season (80-for-448) while striking out a staggering 175 times. But 25 of his 80 hits left the ballpark, and 41 went for extra bases. As few and far between as they were, Deer made sure that his hits counted for something. No broken bat bloopers or bunt singles for this man.

Rob Deer remained Rob Deer until the bitter end. He last appeared in the Major Leagues in 1996, as a member of the San Diego Padres. There, he hit .180 (9-for-50) with four home runs and three doubles. He also struck out 30 times. "That's just Rob being Rob", said Deer at a press conference to announce his retirement. "Y'all gonna miss me when I'm gone."

How right he was. It's been a decade since Deer's departure, and a gaping void remains in our national pastime. We need another Rob Deer, someone who is capable of offering just two things: humongous home runs and humiliating strikeouts. Someone who knows no such thing as "middle ground" (aka "the terrain of the weak-minded"). Someone who will swing for the fences every goddamn time he comes to the plate.

Ladies and gentleman, that man is in the Minor Leagues. That man is Mike Hessman.

Hessman, a 28-year-old veteran with over 200 career homers in the Minors, is putting on one hell of a show this year as a member of the Triple-A Toledo Mud Hens.

His numbers so far: 77 games, 259 at-bats, 42 hits, 8 doubles, 19 home runs, 91 strikeouts.

The man is batting .162, but nearly half of his hits have left the ballpark!

-- Over a 48 at-bat span in April, all seven of Hessman's hits were home runs.

-- On the road, 11 of his 22 hits have left the ballpark.

-- He once went 96 at-bats without a single.

His feats are endless, really. Check 'em out:

http://www.minorleaguebaseball.com/app/milb/stats/stats.jsp?n=Mike%20Hessman&pos=1B&sid=milb&t=p_pbp&pid=425634

The Toledo Mud Hens are an affiliate of the Detroit Tigers. Rob Deer once played on the Detroit Tigers. Here's hoping that Hessman will soon get to follow in Rob's footsteps, and ply his trade at the Major League level. Make it happen, Detroit.

We need you, Mike. Please get here soon. Compromise is for pussies, and we need someone to teach that to the masses. You're our man.

Streetball Since Foreva, sons!

2006-07-24T11:59:00.000-07:00

I enjoy watching the likes of Phillip Champion, Grayson Boucher, and Shane Woney (aka Hot Sauce, The Professor, and The Dribbling Machine) play basketball as much as the next guy. It is an exhibition of high-flying antics and dribbling machanics (see how it's influenced me?). However, the release of the video game got us here at High and Inside to thinking. Could the stars of the AND 1 "Mixtape" beat these guys?

I mean, we know they can beat these guys:

But what about the "original" traveling wilburys of the hardcourt? What about Goerge "Meadowlark" Lemon, Fred "Curly" Neal, "The Stilt," "The Hawk," and the rest of the Globetrotters? I remember seeing the Globetrotters a handful of times when I was younger. While today's "street" tough version of exhibition basketball calls for more screaming, tap dancing, and "oooooooooooohhhhhh baaaaabyyyyy"'s, the concept is still the same. They travel around and perform these stunts for anyone willing to watch fundamental free basketball. When the 'Trotters came to town I remember my father pointing out that the Washington Generals do not play defense. Great, I couldn't figure that out based on the way their feet seemed glued to the ground once the Globtrotters went into their "dribbling is for pussies" routine. Then he would tell me not to pay attention to the "Half court heave" that Meadowlark made so famously his. Nor should I ever throw a bucket of confetti on a referee, or bite out of another man's hotdog. Such valuable lessons learned as young buck.

Today's street version, known as the AND 1 Tour, brings much of the same. Look at it this way; have you ever seen Spyda do this on the Mixtape?
Wait, I think this is Spyda....

Which just brings me to the question of who would win in a one game exhibition, The Harlem Globetrotters or AND 1? The AND 1 guys are certainly much quicker and more athletic. They compete against actual ballplayers who are trying to beat them (what a concept!). The Globetrotters are just trying to entertain and make sure that they keep their 1265 game winning streak going. Don't get me wrong, the Globetrotters are fantastic basketball players, and they are probably light years ahead of the Hot Sauce and the boys when it comes to fundamentals, but I think we have to give the nod to the AND 1 guys.

So, now that I've made up my mind, I have decided to make a bid to become part of the AND 1 tour. Seriously! I have given it much thought and I think that I would like to join your fine basketball developmental league. I even thought of a name: White House!

Really! Can you hear it..." oooooohhhh baaaaabbbyyyyyyyy! White House takes it to the... house! Out of his way are else you will get..... vetoed, fella!"

Famous Duos (Part 1):

2006-07-20T09:57:00.000-07:00

With the breaking news that country stars Brooks and Dunn are now playing minor league baseball (more info?), we at High and Inside decided to take a look at other " Famous Duos" who have left their mark on the sports wolrd.

We'll start off easy here:

Brooks and Dunn
Derrick Brooks and Warrick Dunn were teamates on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for two seasons (2000 and 2001). Warrick Dunn left the Bucs in 2002 to be the featured back for the Atlanta Falcons. That same year the Falcons drafted Michigan State running back T.J. Duckett in the first round in hopes that he'd become their running back of the future. In 2003, Derrick Brooks led the Dunn-less Buccaneers to the Super Bowl, where they embarrassed the Oakland Raiders. Ain't life grand?

Hall and Oates
Jonny Oates and Dick Hall both played for the Baltimore Orioles in 1970. Dick had a nice season coming out of the bullpen with a 10-5 record and posting a 3.08 era. Young rookie Johnny Oates played in 5 games and had only 18 ABs. However, he did manage to drive in 2 runs. Johnny Oates later went on to manage the Orioles and Texas Rangers. It's all right here in this pretty little book...

Gilbert and Sullivan
New York Ranger's Rod Gilbert and George "Red" Sullivan were both teammates on the 1960-61 team. Sullivan, known for being a "standout penalty killer with a stellar poke check," played in one game with Rod Gilbert, the 8 time all-star. Interestingly enough they both wore the number 7, making them two of only five men in Ranger's history to wear number seven, before it was enshrined in the rafters at the Garden for Rod. Later they would go to write a series of 14 comic operas..... bastards!

Johnson and Johnson
Yeah, that one is too easy. I mean, Charles Johnson, himself, played with three Johnson's throughout his career. So, we'll leave you with that one to come up with on your own.

To conclude part one of this series, we leave you with one of our all-time favorite duos (they can't even fit on one page together!).

Weird but True (Minor League Edition)

2006-07-20T07:13:00.000-07:00

Brooks and Dunn have accomplished a lot in their music career. The inimitable twosome singlehandedly sparked the country line dance craze of the early 1990s, and have gone on to sell more records than any duo in music history, save for Simon and Garfunkel.

But after 15 years of Country and Western dominance, Brooks and Dunn have grown bored. They wanted a new challenge, something to shake them out of their complacent mindset. And boy, did they find it.

The duo have covertly embarked upon a professional baseball career, and are currently pitching with the Northwest League's Eugene Emeralds (Class A Short Season affiliate of the San Diego Padres).

In a unique and quite baffling arrangement, Brooks and Dunn occupy just one spot on the Emeralds' roster. They are listed as #50 -- Brooks Dunn. According to scouts, Dunn (the blonde guy) has the better arm of the two. He has good command of his fastball, and his "12-6" curveball is one of the more deceptive breaking balls in the league.

Of course, Dunn is just one half of the equation. While his compatriot pitches, Brooks (aka the guy with the hat) lies flat on his stomach in front of the pitcher's mound, looking straight at the batter. As soon as Dunn delivers a pitch, Brooks leaps to his feet.

This serves two purposes -- it is distracting to the batter, and it gives the Emeralds a 10th man in the field. While the baseball rulebook has no specific clauses relating to moonlighting country music stars, several opposing managers in the Northwest League have filed complaints with the league re: the legality of "Brooks Dunn".

"I just don't see how the Emeralds can justify "Brooks Dunn", said Freddie Ocasio, manager of the Tri-City Dust Devils. "For starters, he is actually two people. And the faggy-looking one [Dunn] always talks his way out of balk calls by signing baseballs for the umpires".

But perhaps the Emeralds are the one at a disadvantage. "Brooks Dunn" is currently 1-4 with a 4.56 ERA, and have allowed 31 hits over a span of 25 innings. Such stats are not going to earn the duo a promotion Class A Advanced ball any time soon. The Emeralds, at 16-14, are currently in third place in the Northwest League's West Division.

That the caterwaulin' line-dancers are on the diamond in the first place is one of the odder stories in baseball this year, and a triumph in and of itself. We at High and Inside will attempt to follow the season of "Brooks Dunn" as it progresses, so please check back here for periodic updates.

"Brooks Dunn" player page:

http://www.minorleaguebaseball.com/app/milb/stats/stats.jsp?n=Brooks%20Dunn&pos=P&sid=t461&t=p_pbp&pid=488849

Hey? Who's Partying!?!?

2006-07-14T07:14:00.000-07:00

So it has come and passed. The Las Vegas Summer League will conclude today (July 14th) with a slew of games and a handful of "bros" looking for new summer jobs. We all know about the big name rookies making their debut. The Morrison's, LeMarcus', Foye's and Roy's. We also know about the big name players who came to "bring the pain" (or prove that their is no more pain..). Amare Stoudamire and Ron Artest were present. Also present were 2nd year players (Martell Webster, Ryan Gomes, Joey Graham, the three Knick tenors, etc.) who are all ready to take the next step in the Association.

The most intriguing stories, however, are seeing the names of invites who are looking to make a roster and then playing America's favorite passtime, "How the hell did he get an invite?"

So, Let's take a look at a few players present in Vegas these past few weeks.

Minnesota Timberwolves: okay, so I was going to list the players individually, but it seems like the T'Wolves had a few interesting players on their roster. We all know who Randy Foye is and we know he is going to be a real player in the league, possibly as early as this year. But, there is an even more popular name on their roster. This being a man who's biggest mistake was signing a contract with ESPN and then letting it all get to his head. Paul Shirley, better known as the 12th man blogger on the Pheonix Suns, took his ranting and raving to The Network, and, in my opinion, certainly lost a lot of gusto as he stopped writing about being the "white guy" at the end of the bench and started writing about being the "white guy" with a 'woe is me' attitude who is struggling to feed Latrell Sprewells kids on an ESPN salary. So, the T'Wolves got cute and invited him to participate in the summer league. Shirley averaged 23 minutes per, 8.5 ppg, and 4 rebounds per game. Not bad, I guess.... well, if this were the regular season and he wasn't playing against a handful of other Paul Shirleys. With that being said, we look forward to reading your future blogs about how awful life is playing basketball in Greece, or Spain, or any other foreign country for a 6 figure salary.

Other T'Wolve notables:
-Mississippi star (circa 1998) Ansu Sesay played 3 years with the Sonics from '01-'04, after being named the NBDL's MVP in the 2001-'02 season. In other words, Ansu, it was nice seeing your name again in print, but have a great summer overseas.
-Gonzaga bruiser J.P. Batista got the call and may actually make the team. Good. Maybe solid play by Batista will get Kevin McHale off the hook for his cheap shot on Kurt Rambis.

Pops Mensah-Bonsu, the George Washington standout, was invited to play for the Dallas Mavericks summer league. He averaged in double figures in scoring each of his four years at GW (10.1, 11.6, 12.6, 12.6) , however, he never really took stride and improved in the way that many scouts thought he would. Me, I'm just hoping to have this guy in the league because of his first name. It's like when you see those sports movie where the young talented rookie comes into the locker room "owning his shi*" and he refers to the tattered veteran as "Pops" (ie. "Mover over 'Pops,' and let the young stud show you how it's done." I think that was a sports movie....).

Rodney Billups, the younger brother of Chauncey, actually got invited to play in the Vegas Summer League by none other than the Detriot Pistons. He averaged 8 ppg for the Denver Pioneers. Wow. Really, wow. He's like that kid you went to college with who was always hungover and sleeping through class, while all this time they are engraving his name on a plaque at his father's Fortune 500 company and you are cashing in your unemployment checks and feasting on dollar menu items. I know this story all too well. So, Rodney, take your 1.7 ppg and Gerry McNamara's roster spot and move along. I'm sure there's an album you need to produce somewhere.

This leads us to the next shining star on the list, Mr. Wayne Wallace. Yes, the Detroit Pistons gave a roster spot to Ben Wallace's nephew. Sure, he played 2.7 minutes per game and didn't score a SINGLE point, but, the kicker is that I'm sure when Ben asked for a "solid," the Pistons didn't think that he was going to jump ship and land in Chicago. Ben Wallace 2, the Pistons 0!

Also, Mateen Cleaves, who's like the guy who's always the last to leave the party, returned to the Pistons to see if there was any room on the Dance Squad or if he could score free season tickets on the end of the bench. Good luck, Mateen, after all, the Las Vegas Summer League website has you listed as "Martin Cleaves." That certainly can't be good for business.

I don't want to say there's a "character overhaul" going on in Houston, but... well let me give you the names and you tell me what about each of these guys doesn't scream "soft, non-athletic, white guys, who can't create their own shot, but if they could, they would shoot the lights out."

Pat Carroll:

Matt Frieje:

Steve Novak:

Patrick Beilein:

Matt Haryasz:

Mamadou N'diaye:
(Woops!)

So, there you have it. I'm not saying that... well, maybe I am saying something.

So good luck to all of the above and also to these notable names:
Darius Washington (Memphis: "should have stayed"), Chris Carrawell (Duke: "Still trying?") Bonafice N'Dong (Senegal: "please, for jersey sake, make the team!"), Omar Cooke (St. Johns: "the legend, but certainly not the man or the myth.") and William Avery (Duke: "at least Dickie V still believes in you!")

10 Years Is a Long Time

2006-07-12T11:25:00.000-07:00

In last night's All-Star Game, the American League rallied for two runs in the ninth inning off of the Padres' Trevor Hoffman and defeated the National League, 3-2.

The humilating loss was nothing new for the Senior Circuit, who have not won a Midsummer Classic since 1996.

1996, huh? That was a long time ago, an era of unbridled Clintonian exuberance, when problems were scarce and the nation's number one activity was "chillin' out".

The times, they have changed -- both in baseball and the world at large. Since the world at large is scary and hard to figure out (it is, Dad!), let's just focus on baseball in this post.

The 1996 All-Star Game took place at Philadelphia's Veterans Stadium, which has since blown up. After Kelsey Grammar's stirring rendition of our National Anthem, the game commenced, and the National League starting kicking ass en route to an easy 6-0 victory. Mike Piazza, the king of rock 'n roll, homered and doubled to earn the game's MVP Award. Here are a few of the game's notable National Leaguers, all of whom will help us to remember just how long ago 1996 was.

Lance Johnson (Mets): went 3-for-4 with a run scored. Lance has been out of baseball since 2000, and a name so delightfully phallic has not been seen since.

Ken Caminiti (Padres): the only player outside of Piazza to homer in the game. Caminiti is dead now, folks. Dead! That hasn't stopped the Golden League's Long Beach Armada from digging up his corpse and using it as a designated hitter.

Dante Bichette (Rockies): doubled and scored. Bichette was in the midst of a season in which he accumulated 141 RBIs. He retired in 2001 with 1141 career RBIs. If he had taken 1996 off, he would have retired with 1000 career RBIs. If this had been the case, Bichette would be as fondly remembered as Roberto Clemente, who finished his career with 3000 hits. Baseball fans love round numbers, and that is the only reason people remember Clemente. There was certainly nothing remarkable about his playing career.

Henry Rodriguez (Expos): collected a pinch-hit RBI single. Henry Rodriguez, huh? Amazingly enough, this guy hit 36 homers and drove in 103 RBIs in 1996. Prior to this breakout season, Rodriguez had hit 21 dingers over 766 career at-bats. Now, I'm not accusing the guy of steroid abuse, but the fact that he and the corpse of Caminiti often hang out together certainly doesn't help his reputation.

Ricky Bottalico (Phillies): tossed a scoreless fifth inning. Now, this is how bad the 1996 Phillies were -- their city hosted the All-Star Game, and Bottalico was the only Phillies representative. Todd Zeile's .268 average led the team, Mike Williams started more games than any other pitcher, and Mark Whiten committed suicide midway through the season.

Sure, the 1996 N.L. team featured over a dozen players who are still active. But that is not the point of this exercise. The point is that Johnson, Caminiti, Bichette, Rodriguez and Bottalico need to come out of hiding and restore the National League to dominance. These 21st century N.L. All-Stars are simply not getting the job done.

Word is Bond!

2006-07-06T12:29:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought that two guys named Bill and OJ would mean more to the Trojan community. The "Kings of Cali," Reggie Bush and Matt Leinart, have moved on, and, as of July 5th, Prep superstar OJ Mayo verbally agreed to attend USC in the fall of 2007. That's right, the Fall.... of 2007. Why is this a big deal? Well, first, because OJ Mayo is the biggest name to lace up on the high school hardcourt not named LeBron James or Greg Oden. He's a star. A "can't miss." And he is the type of player to turn a football town into a basketball haven before he even steps foot on the court. The likes of Brian Scalabrine, Paul Westphal, and Sam Clancy have all been top recruits for the program in the past. (Though, the women's program has more impressive names hanging from their rafters: Lisa Leslie, Cynthia Cooper, and Cheryl Miller. Who would win if those three all got together and played 3-on-3? The answer: David Stern)

Along with OJ Mayo would come his best friend and literal "out of the gym" leaper, Bill Walker. Bill Walker himself has been highly touted as a top 10 recruit. These two players can change the face of the USC program just like Greg Oden and the "Thad Five" will in 2006 for Ohio State.

I know that while I write this in the back of my mind a "verbal commitment" is just like going out to an expensive dinner, having a nice time, but not being physically attracted to the person. Then you have to either bite the bullet and give 'em the old, "you're really nice, but..." or take the road more frequently traveld and promise to call them the next day. It means nothing! So, is OJ Mayo trying to get out of the awkward goodbye, or is he really ready to wear the same "cardianl and gold" that the 'great red head' Scalabrine once called his own? Many think he's going to stick to his word and play ball at USC, however I do recall his "word" once exciting Bob Huggins fans when he said that he and Bill Walker were going to lace up wherever Bob Huggins lands. But, as they say in the streets: "Thy word is bond!"

(The next Lebron?) (A Loooong Tradition)

A Celebration of Sustained Mediocrity

2006-07-06T07:05:00.000-07:00

The six active pitchers with the most losses are as follows: Greg Maddux (197), Tom Glavine (186), Roger Clemens (174), Jamie Moyer (160), David Wells (144) and Randy Johnson (143).

In the case of that distinguished sextet, the losses are a mere side-product, the inevitable result of pitching long -- and well -- enough to generate 200+ wins. But the next player on the career loss leaderboard is an entirely different animal, a crafty veteran who got by on sheer guile, who lost more games than he won, and who pitched for 12 different teams in his career. That animal is, of course, Terry Mulholland.

Yes, I'm referring to him in the past tense, and yes, there is a reason for that. The 43-year-old Mulholland was released by the Arizona Diamondbacks on June 21, having spent most of the year on the disabled list. Thus far, he has not officially announced his retirement, but all signs are pointing in that direction. If this truly is the end of the line for Terry Mulholland, then the sport will have lost one of its most likable and intelligent veterans, a baseball lifer who broke in with a 1986 Giants team that also featured Vida Blue and, believe it or not, Steve Carlton (Lefty went 1-3 over six starts, and was cut loose immediately after recording his 4000th career strikeout).

Sure, from 1990-1993 Mulholland was a front-line starter for the Phillies (albeit a mediocre one). He went 54-50 over that time, pitched a no-hitter (in 1990), and started the 1993 All-Star Game. Incidentally, he had the best pick-off move in the game.

But in the last decade Mulholland was a journeyman fifth starter/long reliever type of guy, the sort of unremarkable chap who managers like to have in the clubhouse because they can pitch on short rest and eat up innings when the rest of the bullpen is worn out. In short, he was an unheralded bit player, suiting up every day simply because he couldn't imagine doing anything else.

Who knows? Mulholland may catch on with another team this season. If the likes of Scott Erickson and Jose Lima can emerge from baseball purgatory (however briefly), then surely Mulholland can as well.

But if this the end of the line...Well, then I tip my cap to you, Terry. The baseball world is gonna miss you.

-----For the record, there are now just two 1993 Phillies remaining on an active roster: The Atlanta Braves' Todd Pratt, and, of course, Curt Schilling.

Thy Draft Be Done....Son!

2006-06-29T16:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I've just removed my hands from my head. My brother's been repeating the name "Renaldo Balkman" in the form of a question. I'm trying to find the appropriate answer (or shall I say question) for him since i think i've seen him play three, maybe four, times. And yes you could have convinced me that drafting a combo guard at the 20th pick would have been more sensible than drafting Balkman, a guy I'm sure I've seen at my gym and only remember him because he can "jump out of the gym" and while he's working out all I can think is that he's a "motor" guy, or "hustle" guy. But then again, how often do 6'6" "hustle" guys come along?

Everything you can say about this pick has been said. There are a million unanswered questions that Isaiah will never even address. I highly doubt that the Pheonix Suns were going to pick Balkman at 21, but let's, for now, forget this pick even happened and talk about the rest of the night, which turned out to be chock full of "2-hat guys."

As we all know, the first pick was 7 foot Italian Andrea Bargnani. How can I argue? How can Dickie V. argue? Wait, he can. Dickie V. kills the pick only because he's never seen Andrea play more than 10 minutes and like all, not named Chad Ford or "Big Baby" Davis, jumped on the Tyrus Thomas train after his tourny run. Tyrus is a good player, nice upside, athletic, good basketball IQ, work horse, intersted in genomics, and a 'freak on the floor.' But can we already say that he is better than Andrea? I can't. Dickie can't. Stephen A can't. Maybe Fran Fraschilla can, but I can't still. So let's stay away from the top of the draft which had the 11 picks, sans Sene (who probably wouldn't have slipped past the Hornets at 12, though he's a major project), went just about how we expected.

The star of the night may have been Morrison's moustache, which made me wonder wether this thing is here to stay or if Darren Rovell and the Sports Marketing gurus are telling Adam to go with it. He's certainly got something going on there. I personally can't wait for the guy who brings back the 'Stockton' Shorts and keeps it going a little too long. I'm also hoping that it's someone like Artest, Jason Williams, AI, or Jeff Van Gundy from the sidelines. Someone who will bring it back so far out of left field that you would almost believe that Kobe would introduce the world to "Man tights." You'd almost belive it.

Another great Morrison moment came in the form of an actual Jay Bilas quote. Jay said of Morrison, "He couldn't guard a bank with a machine gun." That's one of those moments that you know had you been there you'd stop the draft, turn to Bilas and in one of those 'you've been dying all night to say that' faces, you'd ask, "How long did it take you? Look me in the eye and tell me. How long? Wait, wait, wait, DAN. Before we go on; how long, Jay?" And I say this as a Bilas fan and as someone who watched the draft with the biggest Jay Bilas supporter out there. This also brings me to the sheer enjoyment of the look on Bilas' face EVERYTIME Stephen A. spoke. EVERYTIME. His face would turn red and he'd have to be thinking, "no matter what I say tonight, I will NOT sound as ridiculous as this guy." And how right he was.

Stephen A. Smith deserves his own blog here. He made enough bold statements and mistakes that you have to wonder what ESPN was thinking. You have Dickie V and Stephen A acting like this is their first barbecue. Please, fellas, let's pretend like you've been here before. (And incase you missed it.... Cheese Doodles!)

Some great moments from the draft:

- Marcus Williams' mom saying that after her son's arrest she got her "mom game up." (what?)

- Also, learning that the guy who stole computers from dorm rooms also is skilled in "harvesting honey." Seriously!

- Rodney Carney thanked his "girl" for his success. Rodney, you are about 6 dozen more girls from finding one to thank for your success. Just enjoy the ride, my friend.

-Jeff Bower (right) is actually an NBA GM. No, a real one, not a fantasy GM. If he were a fantasy GM I'm sure his team name would be something along the lines of "Bower's Powers" or "Golden Bowers."

-Cedric Simmons built tree houses and hunted squirrles and rabbits for fun. Fur real!

-Knick fans almost killed Mark Jones post Balkman and pre-Collins. You knew what you were getting into Jones. We can't feel sorry for you. (And do you think that anyone wanted Isaiah to make a better pick more than Mark Jones. You can picture him standing in the middle of the drunk and rabid Knick fans as the words "Renaldo Balkman" were coming out of the commissioner's mouth and his face turning from 'please don't say Balkman' to, 'damn, he just said Balkman, didn't he?" as he covers his face and braces for the backlash)

- A ton of "Cash Considerations" changed hands. Those are even more ridiculous than the old 'player to be named later.'

-"Two Hat Guys."

-And finally, the end of a wonderful era. Mr. Russ Granik recieves the loudest applause of the evening and says goodbye in a classy fashion. I loved the appreciation he showed and then the "let's get down to business" line he gave. What a class act and fan favorite. He really will be missed and there will be some tough shoes to fill.

So, as the 2006 NBA draft concludes with some 'nice' picks, poor picks, and "Duck Folan" sings, all I can say is, "And with the 1st picl of the 2007 NBA Draft, from the Knicks, the Bulls select Greg Oden." Wake me up when it's over.

Although We Go....To the End of the Road....

2006-06-23T13:12:00.000-07:00

Hoop heads are looking forward to the great debate/fashion show known as the 2006 NBA Draft. However, there is one person who will be sorely missed as of July 1st, 2006 (and no, we're not talking Greg Oden or any Florida Gator). The 2nd round, or "lightning round", will be the last hurray for fan favorite, Deputy Commisioner Russ Granik. An "Instant Smile" moment is when Russ walks onto the stage and up to the podium to announce the beginning of the 2nd round.
(Other Instant Smile moments: Mike Weiss singing "Captain Jack," Pedro carrying Nelson"the midget" around the locker room, D-Wade sizing up JJ Reddick next year, the Dirk and Nash photo, and more so, this Dirk and Nash photo).

In typical Granik fashion (since all I know is Russ between the 31st and 60th pick), the 2nd round should start with the 2nd biggest applause of the night, with the 1st going to Knicks for trading up to the lottery only to draft combo guard Shannon Brown (mark it down right now). Oh, and fans will be applauding because famed Mr. Orange is going lead fellow Knickerbocker fans, Stephon Marbury, Stu Scott, and Shannon Brown himself in a "Duck Folan" chant. I think we're all on board, players, homies, and all.

But, not to be lost in the evening is Russ Granik and his sad departure from the second round and one of the few "instant smile" moments we have left in the Association. So let's give Russ one hell of a send off and think about what a shame it is that Mustafa Shakur, Darryl Watkins, Ekene Ibekwe, and other future 2nd rounders will never know the sweet sound of their name being declared in your Granik-like resonance.

While in Bed....

2006-06-19T08:32:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks I was fortunate enough to spend on my back laid out in front of the tv. Yes it was a vacation of sorts. A vacation from sanity. I was recovering from surgurey and forced to be on my back and filled with pain killers. Though I was unable to kick around the old futbol or run around with the same gusto that a spry young lad like myself usually exudes, I was, however, able to learn a lot in those two weeks. So now, I share with you what I learned.

I learned that the Italian Soccer team does not look like this:

Or this:

No, they look like this:

And this:

Sorry guys. My mistake.

I learned that the Hartford Whalers are the best team in the NHL.

I learned that hockey looks much faster when you are lying in bed and have just spent the last 7 and a half hours watching the World Cup.

I learned that Mark Cuban is more than ready to win a championship. It's just that it's not going to happen this year.

I learned that Dwayne Wade is "1c" in the NBA right now. Right behind LBJ (at 1a) and Kobe (at 1b), and gaining fast.

I learned that Preston Mattingly has "Sandwich Round" talent. I will repeat; "Sandwich Round" talent.

I learned that Shaq gets abused at home. If Shaq's daughter hits harder than Jerry Stackhouse, then who could beat up their father in their prime, Shaq's daughter or Mohammed Ali's daughter?

I learned that Gnarles Barkley is not from Western Kentucky's famed Lake Barkley (resort photo on right!!), nor a descendent of the "Veep," Vice President Alben Barkley.

I learned that Dominoes is now the 'sweetheart' of the Worldwide Leader's programming. (Sorry 'Battle of the Gridiron Stars')

I learned that I still love Chad Ford's work. (Draft day is only 8 days, 4 hours, 18 minuntes, and 47..er46 seconds away and counting....)

I learned how to spell URSPRACHE.

I learned that if Lefty could hit the ball righty then I would not be typing the following word: Ogilvy.

I learned that the greates sport on earth (and America's new pastime) is MTV's Next! (Man i love that show. Wouldn't you just love to 'Next' people all day long? OR wouldn't Dirk love to 'Next' his game 3 performance? OR wouldn't Chien-Ming Wang love to 'Next' the walk-off slider he threw to Ryan Zimmerman in the bottom of the 9th on Sunday?)

And Finally...

I learned that spending 20+ hours a day on your back for 10+ days is something that should be sanctioned as a sporting event in the US. If you can do so without going crazy or without asking the birds in the trees, "how's the new home coming along," then you certainly earn stripes in my book. Well, back to the daily grind and back to keeping up with the Weavers.

The Franco Files #5 (5/29-6/4)

2006-06-12T14:32:00.000-07:00

In which we track the exploits of baseball's oldest player, 47-year-old Julio Franco.

We have by now learned that Julio often does not recieve much playing time in the course of a week. That was certainly the case this week. Our hero recieved just three pinch-hit at-bats -- and collected one single. Now, that .333 success rate is admirable, and boosted Julio's average to .303 (10-for-33) on the season. But for this update we must zoom outwards and take a look at the bigger picture. That's right, it's time to focus on milestones!

Julio- An All-Time Gamer
Yes, Julio appeared in just three games this past week. But those three appearances were enough to vault Julio (2406) past Mike Schmidt (2404), Sam Rice (2404) and Buddy Bell (2405) into 66th place on the all-time games played list. Regular readers may remember that it was just last week that Julio passed Mickey Mantle on the all-time games played list. We mentioned then, as we will mention now, that games played is now considered to be the ultimate measure of a player's greatness. Pre-eminent statistician Bill James is a chief proponent of this theory, so it must be right.

So one can now say with reasonable certainty that Julio is a better player than Schmidt, Rice and Bell. Pretty good company, if you ask us. In addition to being a tortured soul in the midst of a life-long existential crisis, Schmidt is in the Hall of Fame. And Rice, he's in the Hall of Fame as well. As for Bell...well, his semen formed the basis of what is now Phillies third baseman David Bell. So he was obviously cut from cloth of greatness as well. Buddy Bell is pictured twice at the top of this post because it was the only way the Kansas City Royals would grant us permission to use the photograph.

Seeing as how this update is very late, and another one will be coming soon, we'll just wrap things up. There is much more to discuss, so check back soon.

Kids want to know: "Where do MLB prospects come from?"

2006-06-01T09:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's that time of the year again. The ever hidden and "for broadband users only" Major League Baseball amateur draft is upon us. One long and grueling week and counting. Hey, remember last years draft when Seattle totally lost it and took USC catcher Jeff Clement over UVA 3rd baseman Ryan Zimmerman? Mike Pelfry slipping all the way to #9? Craig Hansen falling to #26? Worth Lumry going in the 46th round to Seattle? And T.J. Large falling to Boston at pick #1390!? Yeah, that was the 2005 MLB draft. And if you missed those great moments, well, you're not alone and you'll probably miss this years draft unless you tune into to watch bright eyed Casey Stern and Allan Simpson read off the names of draft prospects as fast as they come in over your wi-fi connection. That's right, Internet only! MLB.com's "most comprehensive draft coverage anywhere" is slated to run June 6th to the 7th with 50 rounds worth of picks.

So, why can't the MLB draft get any air play on television? Why couldn't Jim Callis handsome up and get us through at least the first 4 rounds live on ESPN? It seems like the their is enough buzz about the MLB draft to get at least an hour of airtime. Sure I don't know who all but a handful of these players are, but isn't it ESPN's job to inform its viewers and keep fans up to date the future of our International League teams or who Scott Boras is dangling over Royals to get on the 40 man roster? I've read up on Andrew Miller, the lanky lefty from North Carolina, and Tim Lincecum, the righty from U. of Washington, but who else is there? Who are these "young stud" high school ballplayers who have "tremendous velocity" and can "rake?" Of course the great Baseball America can lead us in the right direction, but 50 rounds worth of drirection? Ugh!

The main reason why they don't televise the draft is because most fans have no idea who these players are. As we shouldn't. Vince Young, Rudy Gay, Reggie Bush, Tyrus Thomas, and even Lebron James were all nationally televised athletes. We know who we're getting, for the most part. College baseball doesn't even get air time on ESPN until the College World Series masterminds reveal their 'brackets.' So do we really want to see our team draft high school prep star Jordan Walden at the end of the first round? Talk to me in three years and maybe I'll give him a read as I try to fill a slot in my Rotisserie league. But, until then all I care about are where Jeffrey Maier (of Yankees v. Baltimore fame), Danny Almonte (little league liar), Doug Drabek's son, and Don Mattingly's son get picked in the draft. Send that information to my Moblie ESPN!

The Franco-Files #4 (5/22-5/28)

2006-05-29T19:10:00.000-07:00

In which we track the exploits of baseball's oldest player: 47-year-old Julio Franco.

Hey! The weather is heating up, and Julio's bat is heating up right along with it. Take a deep breath, loyal readers ,and then dive right in to Julio's week that was...

On the week, Julio went 3-for-7 (.429) to raise his average to an even .300 on the season. Let's hope he keeps this up. Julio hasn't hit .300 or better in a season since way back in 2004, when he hit .309 over 320 at-bats with the Atlanta Braves. Wouldn't it be great if Julio can get back to the lofty levels he was able to attain as a mere 45-year-old?

Let's look at the big picture. Julio's lifetime average is .299 (2530-for-8452)...Oh-so-close to the magical .300 mark. To be exact, his lifetime average is .299337435. If Julio had been able to muster a mere two more hits over his 23-year Major League career, he'd be at .299574065.

That, of course, would round to .300. Needless to say we'll be all over this late-breaking story as Julio attempts to raise his career average to .300.

Julio Starts! On May 27, Julio recieved his second start of the season, and went 2-for-4 with an RBI in the Mets' 7-4 victory over the Marlins. He also recieved a pinch-hit at-bat on the 24th (grounded out) and the 26th (singled).

A Trip Down Memory Lane -- Let's take a trip back to a simpler time and a simpler place: The United States of America, 1982. It was during this idyllic time in our country's history that Julio made his Major League debut for the Philadelphia Phillies. Over 29 at-bats, Julio collected eight hits, good for a .276 average.

Well, guess what Julio did over his first 29 at-bats in 2006? Of course, he collected eight hits, good for a .276 average. This is more than a coincidence, this is a case of Julio reaching across the fabric of existence and connecting with the distant past as a way of bringing us all closer to the the realization that time is but a mere illusion.

Milestone! We can't let these heady discoveries distract from milestones. No way. Julio's second appearance this week (his start on May 27th) was the 2402nd game of his career -- vaulting him past Mickey Mantle into 71st place on the all-time list. Bill James, baseball's pre-eminent statistician, has advanced the theory that games played is the ultimate indicator of baseball greatness. Therefore, Julio is now considered to be a superior player to Mickey Mantle. Sorry, Yankees fans. That's just how it goes. You can't argue with the numbers.

Julio 2006: .300 (9-for-30) Pinch-hitting: .286 (7-for-22) Since Turning 47 on August 23, 2005: .227 (17-for-75)

Pitchers Faced (Week): 5, who were a combined 96 years younger than Julio (19.2 years average) Pitchers Faced (Year): 26, who have been a combined 464 years younger than Julio (17.8 years average)Oldest Pitcher Faced (Week): Ryan Franklin, Phillies, 37 Oldest Pitcher Faced (Year): Roberto Hernandez, Pirates, 40 Youngest Pitcher Faced (Week): Logan Kensing, Marlins, 23 Youngest Pitcher Faced (Year): Kyle Davies, Braves, 22

Huskie Pride! (A Tired Act...)

2006-05-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

Growing up in Connecticut I have come to form an aversion for the UConn Huskie basketball program. Well, let me explain myself. Not necessarily for the 'program,' since part of my love for basketball is respecting talent and over the past decade plus, UConn has put some of the nation's foremost talent on the court (Ray Allen, Rip Hamilton, Caron Butler, Ben Gordon, 'Spliff' Robinson, Emeka Okafor, etc..). I also recognize that since I am a diehard Syracuse Orange fan that my views on the Huskie program may be a bit slighted, however, I will reiterate that I am first and foremaost a basketball fan and do not write off players based solely on the ridiculous jersey they don (even if I were a UConn fan I would never be caught dead wearing a UConn jersey. It screams 'We're from Connecticut' to me...).

The UConn tradition has been wonderful over the past decade with two NCAA championships since 1999, the only team to win multiple championships in that span. They have been dominant in the Big East conference and, as mentioned before, have sent several all-star calibur players into the NBA. The 2006 UConn Huskies we supposed to be part of that tradtion walking all over the Big East and any other "cake" team they threw upon their out of conference schedule. With the consensus number one pick in the NBA Draft in Rudy Gay and a "High Lottery" pick in Josh Boone, this team had all the makings of a 30-2 team with a few slip-ups on the way.

The first began with now lottery bound Marcus Williams, "the best pure point guard in the nation," getting arrested and suspended from all basketball related activits through January 1st. Yes, that's right, he missed the JC portion of the schedule (Army, Texas Southern, UMass, New Hampshire, Stony Brook, Moorehead St., and Quinnipiac) and retunred just in time for conference play. He stole $11,000 worth of laptops out of college dorms and was able to earn millions in a looming NBA contract in the moths to follow. This just sounds like something you'll see on E! or "Touched By an Angel" in the near future.

Then we Have Mr. Rudy Gay and Mr. Josh Boone, both of whom were sure fire bets to be selected in the lottery and, in Rudy Gay's case, he was considered to be a lock for the #1 pick in the 2006 NBA draft. So what happened? Why is Rudy Gay now considered to be the 6th or 7th overall pick in the upcoming draft? Why is Josh Boone hanging on for dear life just to stay in the 1st round? Are they bored? The idea of them not "turning it on" during the season because the competition was lackluster is ridiculous. And even if that was the case would you want a guy like that on your team? Not at all! The upside of Rudy Gay is through the roof. And if you wantch basketball you have no reason to question his ability. But, where was it? Why is he bored with the competition? How bored were you with George Mason, who should never in a million years have beaten UConn. Play that game 99 more times and the result is a UConn win.

We saw the same thing, however, with Charlie Villanueva. They word on him was that he had no motivation and lacked the "will" to play the game. Then we saw him score 48 points in a game against Millawaukee and finish second in Rookie voting behind Chris Paul while being named to the NBA All-Rookie First Team.

Would Andrew Bynum have helped this team had he not opted for the draft and getting a suprise lottery selection from the Lakers? Probably not. He dunked over Shaq on a nationally televised game, pumped his fist, and then played Kwame Brown and hid for the rest of the year. Is he the prototypical UConn player? With Rudy Gay falling, Josh Boone falling, Marcus Williams shoing up 15 lbs. overweight to his workout with the Celtics, and Bynum (though only 19) learning the game on the end of the Lakers bench (and I can see him becoming the next Jermoe James and not the next Shaq. Shaq had several more years of experience in organized ball and honed his skills with a few years at LSU).

Is there a motivation problem in Storrs? Did Calhoun assemble a team that is so good that they don't need to compete to their best ability? Why ask all these questions when one of the best stories in NCAA basketball also comes from Storrs. Keep an eye on Hilton Armstrong, because he has the size, tools, and heart to make an impact in the NBA.

Playing the Lottery with the Worst of 'em!

2006-05-24T08:23:00.000-07:00

It was that time again. Time for the garbage men in the NBA to play in their post-season ritual. The NBA Lottery! Where losers are made winners and the top prospects in the NBA can begin to dread a relocation to Charlotte, Atlanta, or even the dreaded Garden.

That's right, players are now dreading coming to New York City to play for the Knickerbockers. Andy why shouldn't they? It's not like it used to be... "And with the 1st pick in the NBA draft the New York Knicks select, from Georgetown University, Patrick Ewing." Now, the Stern transcript can read, "And with the 2nd pick of the 2006 NBA draft, the Chicago Bulls select... courtesy of Isaiah, Larry, Jimbo Dolan, Marciejem Lampe, Frederick Weiss, Michael Sweet pies, Donnell Harvey, guh i think I'm getting sick... from Louisanna State University, Tyrus Thomas." And then we'll hear Jay Bilas, Stephen A., and Dickie V. say, "He's much better than Eddy Curry. More upside. Bigger wingspan. He can jump out of the gym." etc..

Then what will happen is the Knicks will pick at both 20 and 29, opting for combo guards rather than size. Sure what great compliments to Starbury, Franchise, Nate, Crawford, Q, and the "I can't believe they signed him," offseason signing of Speedy Claxton. More guards! How woudl Quincy Douby and Jordan Farmar look in Knicks uniforms? Wonderful... at the end of the bench. More combo guards! How about Maurice Ager or Shannon Brown? (please stop, Tom it's beginning to hurt!!)

Though there is a glimmer of hope. Isaiah has not been bad in his draft history. Damon Stoudamire, Marcus Camby, T-Mac, Channing Frye, David Lee looks good, Nate Robinson has energy, etc. He does have the ability to draft some very good players. AND he has the ability to make some awful trades and sign some bad contracts. How do we solve this? Ask Mr. Thomas to stick to the draft process and leave the NBA talent evaluations and number crunching to the Colangelo's of the world and their crack staff. Isaiah, How's the Jerome James signing working out for you? The Q Rich signing? Stevie Franchise trade? Eddy Curry trade? Larry Brown? Jalen Rose? Malik Rose? Rosie O'Donnel?

It's not pretty at all. And that's why watching the Knicks lose last night's lottery, twice, was as sad as the idea that the future is not much brighter. Hey, maybe next year we can get Greg Oden.... for the Bulls. Ugh! How far along is Pat Ewing Jr.??

The Franco-Files #3 (5/15-21)

2006-05-22T16:08:00.000-07:00

In which we track the exploits of baseball's oldest player: 47-year-old Julio Franco.

Now, in previous updates we have talked about how Julio recieves far less playing time as a New York Met than he did as an Atlanta Brave. And we have explained the basic reason for this. But, let's reiterate. Reiteration never hurts.

Julio is a first baseman. The Mets have a superstar at first base, Carlos Delgado. Therefore, Delgado is going to get far more playing time than our 47-year-old hero, awesome as he may be.

When Julio was with the Braves (2001-2005), he started approximately twice a week. But he also got ample playing time in late-game situations as a defensive replacement. In four full season with the Braves, Julio averaged 115 games and 272 at-bats a season. This season he's on a pace for about 88 games -- and 88 at-bats.

Yes, Julio's role in 2006 is almost exclusively as a pinch-hitter. About once every two games he comes to bat -- usually in the latter third of the ballgame. We'll all just have to adjust to this new reality.

So how was Julio's past week?

Not bad at all. He managed to hit a monstrous .667, after all.

Yes, Julio went 2-for-3. On May 16, he came to bat with runners on second and third and one out in the eighth inning of a game the Mets were winning, 5-3. Julio made it 6-3 with an RBI single to right field. And, three batters later, he came home on Carlos Beltran's run-scoring single. Not bad for an inning's work. Julio's RBI was his first in the month of May. There's more where that came from.

Julio's most recent at-bat was a double against the Yankees' Mike Mussina on May 20. That was Julio's first double of the season -- his first two-bagger since September 26, 2005, to be exact (against the Rockies' Brian Fuentes).

Julio 2006: .261 (6-for-23 w/ HR, 2B, 5 RBIs, 3 runs scored)
Pinch-hitting: .286 (6-for-21 w/ HR, 2B, 5 RBIs, 3 runs scored)
Since Turning 47 on August 23, 2005: .206 (14-for-68)

Pitchers Faced (Week): 3, who were a combined 52 years younger than Julio (17.3 years average)
Pitchers Faced (Year): 21, who have been a combined 367 years younger than Julio (17.5 years average)
Oldest Pitcher Faced (Week): Mike Mussina, Yankees, 37
Oldest Pitcher Faced (Year): Roberto Hernandez, Pirates, 40
Youngest Pitcher Faced (Week): Brad Thompson, Rockies, 24
Youngest Pitcher Faced (Year): Kyle Davies, Braves, 22

The Franco-Files #2

2006-05-15T07:14:00.000-07:00

In which we track the exploits of baseball's oldest player: 47-year-old Julio Franco.

Alright -- this is not going to be just an update on Julio's week that was. It's going to be an update on Julio's 2006 season thus far. Let's look at some stats to begin:

Season Thus Far: 4-for-20 (.200) with one home run and four RBIs.

Pinch-Hitting: 4-for-16 (.250) with one home run and four RBIs

Starting: 0-for-4

Yes, it's true. We're in the sixth week of the season, and Julio has accumulated just 20 at-bats. Now, it was obviously understood going into the season that Julio would be a reserve player. And the Mets are certainly stronger at first base (Carlos Delgado) then were the Braves last season (Andy LaRoche). But, still. Just 20 at-bats? Just one start? Just one appearance in the field? Last season, Julio accumulated 233 at-bats over 108 games. In 2006, he is on a pace for about 90 at-bats over 90 ballgames.

Hey! Mets' Manager Willie Randolph! Show some respect for baseball's elder statesman. Get him more at-bats! Put him in the field once in a while! Your investment will pay off -- Julio wins ballgames with his baseball acumen. His acumen is so advanced that it makes other players acumen look like acuboys.

Now, that said, Julio hasn't been too hot as of late. He is hitless in his past 10 plate appearances (spanning seven ballgames). He only has one extra-base hit on the season (more on that later), he has walked just twice; his on-base percentage is a dismal .273. But this is not very concerning. 20 at-bats is simply too small a sample size. The baseball season is long and unpredictable. Julio will heat up right along with the weather. You can bet on it.

Now, let's look at some of the notable occurences of Julio's season thus far:

OLDEST PLAYER EVER TO HIT A HOME RUN!!! -- On April 20th against the San Diego Padres, Julio pinch-hit in the eighth inning with one out and a runner on second. The score was tied, 2-2. Well, with one mighty swing from Julio the score became 4-2, as our 47 year, 240-day-old hero became the oldest player in baseball history to hit a home run. The previous record holder was Jack Quinn, a PITCHER for the Philadelphia Athletics who homered on June 27, 1930, at the age of 46 years, 357 days. Quinn, amazingly enough, pitched three more seasons in the Major Leagues before retiring at the age of 49. He evan managed to hit a double in 1932 -- so Julio is NOT the oldest player to collect an extra-base hit. But, back to Julio -- his historic shot came off of permanent historical footnote Scott Linebrink. The Mets won the game 7-2. It was Julio's first dinger since August 13, 2005. After the game, Julio remarked: "That won't be the last home run I hit, and I hope I hit one when I'm 50."

78th On the All-Time Hits List! -- Julio's last hit was a single that came against the Giants' Tim Worrell on April 26. Well, that single gave him 2525 hits on his career, vaulting him past Hall-of-Famer Heinie Manush on baseball's all-time hits list. Friday was the 35th anniversary of Manush's death. May he rest in peace.

EJECTED! -- See that picture at the top right of this post? That's a ball, right? Not according to umpire Doug Eddings, who called it strike 3, ending Kaz Matsui's at-bat and the Mets' chance at an eighth inning rally on May 9. Julio was in the on-deck circle at the time, and he was livid that Matsui was called out on such a borderline pitch. He vociferously argued with Eddings, who tossed him from the game. Afterwards , Julio had this to say:

“The pitch was high. You guys could tell on TV. He changed the whole outcome of the game by making one call. You never know what could’ve happened there. We could’ve won the ball game or we lose the ball game. I’m not saying it’s because of him, but one call can change the whole outcome of the game. You got a guy that is wild, you know, with a situation like that with the bases loaded who knows what’s gonna happen. Who knows, so you gotta make sure. If it’s close, okay, but it wasn’t even close. I know…you make mistakes, but what I’m saying is that if you make the mistake and I pay for it – it doesn’t work that way…

Julio Franco. The competitive fire still burns within.

Julio's Season Thus Far:

Julio has been a combined 314 years older than the 18 pitchers he has faced (17.4 years average).

Oldest Pitcher Faced: Roberto Hernandez, 40.

Youngest: Kyle Davies, 22

Next Monday: We really get going!

Congratulations, Mr. Nash!

2006-05-11T09:09:00.000-07:00

Sure, I'll be the first to admit that I was adamantly opposed to giving Steve Nash back-to-back MVP awards in the only league where the MVP matters.

Yes, he is one of the Ten Greatest PG's of all-time (just ask the fellas over at espn.com). And it's hard to deny that he did have a fantastic year, making the players around him much better. BUT, this year a case can absolutly be made about the vote being a bit generous for the 6'2" Canadian PG with the handsome coiffure.

I've already made my case for Kobe24 as the MVP, and I don't want to get started on my LeBron, D-Wade, Chauncey, and Dirk campaigns.... because I will! OK, maybe later.

Two-time MVP - Looks really good on a resume. Of course the well known facts that only 11 players in NBA history have won multiple MVP's and only 9 of those have won back-to-back (including Nash). So, he's in great company, so to speak. But, what does this mean for Nash? Is he now spoken in the same breath as Jordan, Bird, Magic, Russell, Wilt, etc.? OR is he even mentioned in the same breath as Stockton, Kobe, Duncan, AI, Barkley, Frazier, Cousy, Lebron, etc. What tier Nash will be placed upon can be debated for hours, or minutes, or not at all (especially if he never wins a ring), but, the true testament to a "ballers" ability is his endorsement deals. And to my knowledge, the only thing donning Nash's face is the obligatory Wheaties box.

So, what can we do for Stevie Nash? Here now are a few suggestions for possible endorsement deals for Nash:

Prudential Insurance Co.: The reason why I would run this one past Stevie is because of their ever popular slogan; "Get a piece of the Rock." Perfect! Simple enough. He's the league leader in assists and to hear him everytime he throws up to Marion or makes a nice cut bounce pass to Diaw down low he could just yell, "Get a piece of the Rock...(insert name here)!" What a great advertising scheme that would be.

Colgate Whitening Toothpaste: I know what you're thinking, "Tom, is this necessary?" Of course it is! Look at those "pearlies!" I can picture it now.... Steve is standing in front of the mirror, smiling to at himself and then he says, "Yeah, what? I brush. And when I do I reach for Colgate Whitening Toothpaste. It's cool and refreshing and a whole lot better than anything you got. Right, Dirk?" ... And this is where I see it climaxing.... With Dirk sitting on the ground beside him with his tumbs proudly displayed and in a Gheorghe Muresan type of voice he exclaims, "Right little buddy!" And with that I think I just turned Steve Nash into Billy Crystal. Oh well, Billy had a nice career, right?

L'Oreal Hair Products: Perfect for the old, "Look at Nash's wild hair" kind of people out there, or even better for the slogan fanatics and Mark Cuban haters alike. L'Oreal's slogan reads, "It's because I'm worth it!" Think about the campaign. You have Nash holding his two MVP trophies, he then rubs his fingers through his hair and looks into the camera and smiles. Then we show a montage of clips from Mark Cuban blowing up on the sideline of a Maverick's game and then pan back to Nash and he smirks, "It's because I'm worth it." Then we play some Sade or something for the smooth affect, showing Nash's suave side. I think it's a winner!

So, you see, I am obviously in the wrong profession. I could have Steve Nash's face posted all over this great big world of advertising. He's a two time MVP people! He deserves at least a little face time, right?
(courtesy of http://jazzhoops.net)

Are You Ready For Some Julio?

2006-05-07T14:32:00.000-07:00

Hello. It is good to be back.

"Back from where?", you might be asking yourself.

"Back from oblivion!", I might reply.

After the highly successful run of the late, lamented Greased Poker Chips, I , Ben Hill, am back in the blogosphere. Did you miss me, blogosphere? I sure missed you. And now I'm back and better than ever, teamed up with the inimitable Tom Lorenzo on High and Inside.

The most popular feature on the late, lamented Greased Poker Chips was The Franco-Files, in which (the royal) we tracked the exploits of John and Julio Franco, baseball's two oldest players.

Of course, John's season was cut short in July, when he was released by the heartless Houston Astros. But Julio tore through yet another Major League season, his fifth with the Atlanta Braves and 21st overall (1982-94, 1996-97, 1999, 2001-2005). Over 108 games and 233 at-bats, Julio hit .275 with nine home runs and 42 RBIs. His first at-bat of the season was a single off of the now mercifully retired Al Leiter (another Greased Poker Chips regular). His last at-bat was an infield pop-up in the 18th inning of the NLDS series against the heartless Houston Astros.

Interestingly enough, that final at-bat came against 42-year-old Roger Clemens, the oldest pitcher in baseball (presuming he returns this season, which he will).

In between, Julio's 2005 season certainly had some memorable moments. On June 18 he had a two-home run game against Eric Milton and the Reds. On June 27 he had a hit a pinch grand-slam against the Marlins (for the record, Julio is the oldest player to have a multi-home run game, a pinch-hit home run, and to hit a grand slam). On July 30th he collected his 2500th career hit, a single off of the Pirates' Mark Redman. Julio finished the season with 2521 hits, good for 78th all-time. All told, he faced 123 pitchers, who he was a combined 2123 years older than (an average of 17 years per pitcher).

Additionally, Julio hit .311 (14-45) as a pinch-hitter and played a stellar first base. But his season wasn't all highlights. Julio turned 47 on August 23. From that point in the season on, he hit just .174 (8-for-46) and did not hit a home run. He went just 2-for-9 in the postseason as the Braves made their customary first-round exit from the playoffs. How will Julio -- now a member of the New York Mets -- respond in 2006?

We here at High and Inside are aware that the season started a month ago. We are sorry for not beginning the Franco-Files sooner. But the circumstances, they were extenuating.

From this point forward, excuses will not be made. The Franco-Files will appear every Monday, like clockwork. Julio deserves to have his 2006 season analyzed in meticulous detail. He is a man among men, an incredible role model in a world lacking credible role models. His body is his temple. He has a relationship with God.

Someday, we here at High and Inside may be seen as role models. We may begin treating our bodies like a temple. We may develop a relationship with God. But until that hazy, far-away day, we will meticulously track the exploits of Julio Franco. That will have to serve as a substitute until our mental, spiritual and physical selves mature to a Julio-like level of greatness. It will happen eventually.

Next Monday (the 15th) check back for an analysis of Julio's 2006 season thus far. Each Monday after that a weekly update will appear.

And who knows what else will appear on High and Inside? We are still in our infancy, roughly akin to where Julio was in 1982 as a member of the Philadelphia Phillies. That is to say, just starting out.

Keep checking back. Tell your friends to read. Comment. Help us to understand trackbacks and RSS feeds.

We are the greatest.

Post Season Awards...

2006-04-24T11:47:00.000-07:00

Here they are, the annual High and Inside NBA post season awards. I figure that since this year my voting card got sent back to me in the mail for "unsolicited" reasons, that I'd post my awards here, on the blog. Think of it as an "absentee ballot." Or, don't think of it at all. Just understand that I named all 6 winners last year. Cash that in your NBA piggy bank!
Let's start with the easiest of them all...

Rookie of the year: the award obviously goes to CP3, Chris Paul. The numbers don't lie: 18ppg, 8 ast, 5 reb, 2 and a quarter steal per, and the Western Conference Rookie of the Month 5 times. He led a lottery bound team to.... well, to the lottery, keeping the OKC Hornets in the playoff hunt all the way into April. He's left Billy King (ATL) and several other teams scratching their heads by passing him over or trading out of a spot to grab CP3. He's even made ESPN's own John Hollinger make a case for Paul having a better rookie year than Magic Johnson.

Most Improved Player: This award, to me, also seems quite easy. As a guy who basically had the best seats to the worst show on earth last year, Boris Diaw was lost in Atlanta. He was sent over to Phoenix as a "throw in player" in the Joe Johnson trade. Insert another Billy Knight jab here... (note: after writing these first two answers, Isiah doesn't look so bad..... well, yeah he does.). Here is the proof, the pudding, and the proof pudding:

2004-05: 4.8ppg, 2.6 rpg, 2.3 apg, .27 blocks per, 42% fg, 980 miles from best friend Tony Parker

2005-06: 13.5ppg, 6.8 rpg, 6.0apg, 1.05 blocks per, 52%fg, 1047 miles from best friend Tony Parker (but, in the Western Conference!)

Mike James and Gerald Wallace can also be considered, but give Boris his accessoires (props?) and let's all congratulate him in his 2005-06 M.I.P. award and for getting out of Hotlanta alive.

Sixth Man Award: First off, any of the candidates for this award would start for Team Titanic and Larry Brown. I just wanted to get that off my chest first. Now that I've got that out of the way, I have little hesitation in giving the award to Mike Miller of the Memphis Grizzlies. Here is a guy who not only should be starting on his own team, but could start on most teams in this league. 14 and 5 off the bench, ranking him 1st in the scoring category coming off the bench, Mike Miller has a deadly shooting touch from long range and, on the Grizzlies, is their 2nd best scoring threat, all while coming off the bench.

I've heard the case for Speedy Claxton, but is he anything other than a "spark plug?" With his 41% shooting from the field, he is no more than a guy who motors up and down the court looking to take advantage of the opportunities that are given to him. Mike Miller can create his own shot and is the kind of guy you would trust putting the ball in his hand at the last second of the game. Go ahead Gator fans, celebrate (again), for this award goes to Mike Miller.

Defensive Player of the Year: Okay, I may be a bit bias considering that he is one of my three favorite players in the NBA to watch, but... Andrei Kirilenko, in my eyes, is the Defensive Player of the Year. We can talk numbers all day (2nd in the league in blocks at 3.19 per; 19th in the league in steals at 1.48) and my case could be made that way. But, then you have the "lock down defender" guys out there who swear that what Bruce Bowen does is more important to a team. Sure, he is the best on-the-ball defender in the game, but have you ever seen a better help defender than AK-47? This guy is everywhere! And that's all without allowing his player to get open looks. In my eyes he's as good of a gambler as anyone in the league and you rarely see him make mistakes.

AK-47 is also the only active player to reach the 5x5 mark and only player in history with MULTIPLE 5x5's (note: he's the only player in NBA to ever post a 5x6, which means he had 6 or more points, rebounds, assists, blocks, and steals in one game. Yeah, read that again, I'll wait...). I guess what I'm trying to say here is that not only is he the most important defensive player on his team, but he also adds 15 ppg to his nightly stat sheet. If I were Stu Jackson I would be yelling, "hook a brotha up!" But, I'm not, so I will politely ask you to "acknowledge his defensive prowess." Thank you.

Coach of the Year: Am I bitter? YES! Would I, you, Chauncey, Starbury, Flip Murray, Lil'
Flip, Flip-Flop, Flip Denim, etc. rather play for Larry Brown or Flip Saunders? (Don't worry, a point will follow) Well, the future champ Detroit Pistons have made it pretty obvious that they would rather lace up their shoes for the F-Bomb. Here's a joke with no punchline: How do you make a Championship caliber team better? (really, there was no punch-line). But I'll tell you; you take away the Hall of Blame coach and put in a guy who knows exactly how to keep a team motivated and drama free.

Did you know that this Pistons team has won the most games in franchise history (64)? Flip took a stellar defensive-minded team (pre-Brown era) and brought in an offensive scheme that lets guys like Chauncey Billups and Rip Hamilton improve into all-star caliber players. He also turned journeyman point guard Chauncey Billups (5 teams in 5 years counts as a "journeyman" in my eyes) into a solid MVP candidate. Don't think Flip had nothing to do with his development this year! How do you make the best team in the league better? Flip Saunders.

Most Valuable Player: I'm writing this one having known that Steve Nash is about to be named MVP, so, I know I'm wrong. But, I will at least tell you why the voters are wrong. One word: Kobe. He has had one of the most brilliant season's in recent history. Can you remember the last guy who single handedly took a team on his shoulders and led them into the playoffs (and I write this with complete confidence that they will take the Suns out in the first round)?

You can make the point that Nash makes the players around him better, fair point. Look at Kobe though. He turned Smush Parker into a double-digit scoring threat (11.5 ppg). He turned Kwame Brown into a legitimate big man with much more intensity than you ever saw out of him while in Washington. That's saying something, especially since Kwame was under the tutelage of his "Airness," Michael Jordan, in Washington. Luke Walton's production nearly doubled. Both Brian Cook and Chris Mihm saw an increase in production. Do we owe that all to Kobe, or does part of that go to the Zenmeister? You can argue both ways. But, do the players in Phoenix owe all of their production to Nash or to Mike D'Antonio? Look at how much better Leandro Barbosa got spelling Nash. He got better because of the system. This is why you have to take the award (and I know you're not voting for the "best" player, but the most valuable) and give it to the player who stood out the most on a playoff team. At this point I am trying to figure out who was the better player on the Suns, Nash or Marion? Not the case in LA.

You know the stats, 35 per, 81 points in a game vs. Toronto, 62 points in three quarters vs. the Mavs, etc. Those numbers certainly jump out at you and make a great case for Kobe being the Most Outstanding Player, but the best point I can make for Kobe is this:

-Tom

Introducing...

2006-04-11T08:03:00.000-07:00

Tom Lorenzo:
Born a Pieces, February 29th to be exact (I know, we're all famous for something..), I grew up in the suburbs of Connecticut. Smack-dab in the middle of the empire that Steinbrenner built and the Jonny Pesky's pole, I grew up a Mets fan. Born between "Coffin Corner" (Giant's Stadium) and Billy Sullivan's Patriots, I grew up a Chicago Bears fan. Deciding my NBA fate was much easier (Gorwing up in the 'Jordan Era' there was no question as to who's jersey to don). But, sad to say, I follow Team Titanic (New York Knickerbockers) and thier quest to become the anti-Yankees (highest payroll, lowest effort). Obviously, growing up in CT, you learn to hate the Huskies as you learn to love the sport, so I bleed the same 'Orange' blood as "Pearl" Washington, DC, Ronny Seikaly, and Larry Moten, to name a few.

Tom, is it true? I'm afraid so. One of my three favorite days of the year is when all the ".net(ers)" gather at the famed Madison Square Garden to see where everyone's favorite Foreign "Up-sider" with "enourmous wingspan" will get drafted in the NBA. That's right, I know more about the NBA draft than I'd like to admit. My favorite past-time consists of receiving text messages with a current NBAer's name and having to respond with their former collegiate institution and, if you're lucky, the year and position they were drafted.

In the larger scale I am first and foremost a sports fan. I hope to write fun, inciteful, witty, and brash posts about topics in the world of sports. I also will write a weekly feature about a player who is still involved in their respective sport that I, for the most part, just can't believe they are still gainfully employed. I hope you enjoy what Ben and I create here on this space and we welcome any feedback or comments you may have. Thanks, and Enjoy!

-Tom

Welcome!

2006-04-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the first ever post of the newest sports blog "High and Inside." This will be a regularly updated blog on the current state of sports, the current state of Julio Franco, updates on the guys you thought were long gone in the world of professional sports, Ben and Tom trading baseball cards on-line, write up on the long forgotten "dead" athletes, and more! The blog will mainly comprise of the writings of Ben Hill and Tom Lorenzo, both of whom are avid sports fans and comedy writers for the hit sketch group Lolabrigada. So, without further ado, we hand the reigns over to Ben and Tom.....